“An Attitude of Gratitude”

 

My New Year tip to readers is to do something for someone else.

I love the quote from motivational speaker Zig Ziglar who famously said, "You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want."

Overall, acts of kindness benefit both your mental and physical well-being. I know some of you are saying, "Mike, I am too busy, too stressed, too overworked, and overwhelmed." How can I help others when I can barely help myself? We can look to the late President Jimmy Carter. He served as president of the US and then quietly faded into the background, but he and his wife went on for decades to serve others. 

Why? When you do something nice for someone, your body experiences several positive mental and physical benefits:

Random acts of kindness release serotonin (which improves mood), dopamine (which creates a sense of pleasure), and endorphins (which reduce pain and stress). Being kind can lower cortisol levels, your stress hormone, making you feel calm and relaxed. Helping others can release oxytocin, which benefits your heart by reducing blood pressure and inflammation. Positive emotional states from being kind can strengthen your immune system, making your body less prone to illness. Doesn’t that sound great?

You start making your community a better place as one kind person with one kind act. Kindness can have a ripple effect, starting with one person at a time and one town at a time, by helping you focus on positive situations and giving you an opportunity to bring good to the world even when times are difficult or challenging. The way I spell love is t-i-m-e. You don't have to give money; you can just contribute your time and energy to make things better in our little quiet corner.

How? 

Donate food, toys, or books. Volunteer to serve food at a homeless shelter or the Veteran’s Coffeehouse. Leave an extra tip at your local restaurant. Drop off a meal to a family with a new baby or who just experienced a huge personal loss. Doing something to improve someone else’s day, for no good reason, will enrich your day exponentially.

Where?

There are many local places where you can help. I will begin by saying I love this quote, “Act local, think globally,” to mentally set your course. My suggestions include TEEG, Interfaith Human Services of Putnam(food donations, diaper bank, fuel, and more), the Putnam Resource Center, volunteering for your local historical society, and local boards (zoning, economic development, wetlands, etc.) or even shoveling the snow off a neighbor’s sidewalk. There are many opportunities to lift up our neighbors and our towns.

Trust me. I could share study after study about how helping someone else improves people’s moods more than getting a gift themselves, but I know this from personal experience. While running my business, I decided to do a community project and raised a few thousand dollars for Paul Newman’s Hole In The Wall camp in Eastford. When I met with the staff, they showed me the million-dollar contributions that the camp had received. Even though they appreciated the donation, it felt like a drop in the bucket to this internationally funded group. It was then I decided to do something more local. I had a very good friend who struggled with drugs, so I thought supporting local children through D.A.R.E programs might be a better choice. All the money stayed local, and each school could receive money from the generous contributions of local businesses and people in our towns. To me, it was a win-win for our kids. I felt that if drugs started to ruin my friend's life, they could destroy anyone, and I was a person who could help.

Since retiring, I have had more time to give back to the community, and I absolutely love it. I am happiest when I help others. I love being busy and giving my time, advice, and experience to others. I have always tried to pass on the philosophy of having “an attitude of gratitude.” 

My favorite quote for the new year is, “If you want to touch the past, touch a rock. If you want to touch the present, touch a flower. If you want to touch the future, touch a life.”

—AUTHOR UNKNOWN

President Carter recently passed away at age one hundred. For years after his presidency, he served his community with grace, humility, compassion, dignity, courage, and love. Let’s be like Jimmy; together, we can lift up the world.

P.S. - I am helping to organize a celebrity bartender fundraiser for Interfaith Human Services of Putnam (daily bread/diaper bank/fuel assistance) on February 20 at Montana Nights Axe Throwing in Putnam from 5:30-8 pm if you want to kick off your generosity and have lots of fun. Hope to see you there!

Mike Bogdanski

Mike is a martial arts Grandmaster and anti-bully activist.

Off To See The Wizard

 

With the release of the new hit movie Wicked, I was reminiscing about the first time I saw The Wizard of Oz. Way before you could stream thousands of films to watch anytime, we had to plan each October to view it. Although my first time seeing it at age six was pretty scary, I want to tell you about all the many things I have learned in life from the movie since then.

If you recall, the story begins in black and white until Dorothy steps out of her house after landing in Munchkinland. Dorothy composes herself and opens the door, where you are immediately treated to the brilliance of colors that make the small town burst to life. The contrast from full shades of black and white to color is an amazing display of showmanship from the film’s producers. When I give advice to kids, I ask them to describe their goals with as much color, detail, and intensity as possible to make them real, just like the “Pop” of colors grabs your attention in the film.

Dorothy’s house lands on the wicked Witch of the East, freeing the munchkins from her rule. She is lost, wants to get home, and seeks advice from her new friends on which way to travel. In much the same way over the years, I have asked many people (much smarter than me) for mentorship, and they helped steer me in the right direction. Soon, for Dorothy, we find out the journey, not the destination, helps her realize the true answers to her problems.

On the journey (I call life), Dorothy and her dog Toto meet her first travel companion. Her new friend, the scarecrow, travels with Dorothy to visit the Wizard because he seeks a brain. I believe what he really wants is knowledge. Personally, me too. I have been a lifelong learner. Weekly, I read several books (some for the second or third time), view online seminars, get advice from some brilliant people, and watch YouTube video clips to learn at least one new thing every day. On the journey called life, it's essential to keep your body healthy and mind strong.

The next friend she meets is the Tin Man, who joins her on his search for a heart. This is ironic because he is the most tender and emotional of the group, and when he cries, he rusts!

One of my favorite stories about having a good heart is about adoption. A teacher talks about the concept of adoption and then has the children explain what they think it means. Going from one student to another, they all had slightly different versions of understanding and many questions. Finally, one little girl put it well: "Adoption is when a baby goes from the tummy of one Mom to the heart of another." Emotional reading that? Me too.

I love this quote from one of my martial arts mentors, the late Chuck Merriman; "Be as hard as the world forces you to be and as soft as the world lets you be.”

Now, let's talk about the lion. In my years of martial arts training, I learned that if size were important, the elephant would be the king of the jungle. In the decades I taught kids, I knew that one key component in creating a strong person was helping individuals, like the cowardly lion, to build their courage. I like to think you build courage versus get courage. Like a house being constructed, piece by piece, you first need to build a strong foundation. By overcoming small challenges before tackling the big ones, this strategy will not let things overwhelm you. When faced with enormous challenges, it is necessary to break them down into small, achievable steps first. 

Over the years, I have developed key phrases to help communicate basic concepts, and this is one of my favorites: “Courage is not the absence of fear; it’s being a little scared and being able to take action anyway.” Setting and achieving small goals first is of primary importance in growing as a person. We have learned that it’s okay to fail. You never truly fail until you quit.

To wrap up, I have a couple of key points. One I love is, " If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together.” Two, continually seeking knowledge (a brain), a heart (compassion), and building courage are skills we all can learn from Dorothy and the Wizard—life philosophy at its best from L. Frank Baum, author of The Wizard of Oz. 

And by the way, I am still a little afraid of flying monkeys.

Mike Bogdanski

Mike is a martial arts Grandmaster and anti-bully activist

Mikebogdanski.com

 

Empowering Strategies for Kids Bullied on the Bus

 

Empowering Strategies for Kids Bullied on the Bus

A five-year-old we know often complains of being bullied and harassed on the bus along with other children. The bullies on a school bus have a captive audience, including a driver who is focused on the road. I have a few tips for dealing with bullying on the school bus. Now that your child is in a contained environment with a ride that can last up to 30 minutes and longer, with very little supervision, you can see why buses are one of the top places where bullying takes place. Being bullied on the school bus is a scary experience for children, impacting their emotional well-being and overall school experience. To help empower kids facing this challenge, here are four effective strategies they can employ:

Confidence Building:

1. One of the most powerful weapons against bullying is self-confidence. Encourage your child when entering the bus to stand tall, make eye contact, and project confidence. Bullies often target those they perceive as vulnerable, and a confident demeanor can deter potential aggressors.  Over sixty percent of communication is nonverbal and, practicing assertive body language, and having a warrior face (if needed) can help your child feel more in control and less susceptible to intimidation.  Like any other skill, this needs rehearsal as a tool against bullies who are looking to make intimidation their game.  Even small people can have a “you can’t defeat me” attitude.  

Establish Support Networks:

2. Creating a support network can significantly help a child facing bullying. Encourage your child to identify friends or peers on the bus who may be experiencing similar challenges. Strength lies in numbers, and having allies can provide emotional support and deter bullies. Many years ago we had a similar situation with a kindergarten karate student.  We had a black-belt eighth grader on the same bus who addressed the bullies—no more problems.  When a bystander sticks up for a child being bullied, the bullying stops in thirty seconds or less, over 80 percent of the time. 

Communication with school staff and teachers ensures that adults know the situation and must intervene appropriately.  Telling the bus driver is not being a tattle-tale, it is reporting a breach of school policy.  Establishing a sense of teamwork with friends both on the bus and within the school environment reinforces the idea that no one should endure bullying alone and yes sometimes we may need a bodyguard. 

Utilize Technological Tools:

3. Technology can be a powerful ally in combating bullying in the digital age. Encourage older children to use their smartphones (if they are old enough) to discreetly document instances of bullying through photos, videos, or voice recordings. This evidence can be crucial when reporting incidents to school authorities, providing concrete proof of the behavior. Additionally, there are various safety apps available that allow children to send distress signals or share their location with trusted contacts in real-time. These tools can empower kids to take control of their safety and find help when needed.

Develop Conflict Resolution Skills:

4. Teaching children effective conflict resolution skills equips them to handle bullying situations with poise and intelligence. Encourage your child to practice assertive communication, express their feelings, and set boundaries calmly. Role-playing scenarios and teaching a child to remain calm with long slow breaths are helpful.  Saying “back away” with a strong voice and good eye contact is the million-dollar defense. Rehearsing this with your children will make them feel more prepared and confident in addressing bullying situations. Also, teaching empathy to your child, allows them to be an upstander instead of a bystander fosters a “no bullying”  community, and promotes a positive and inclusive environment on the bus.

Encourage your child to practice positive self-talk. Make sure they know they have your support and that you are always available to listen. Finally, remind them that they are strong and can stand up for themselves if needed.

By implementing these strategies, children can develop the resilience and skills needed to navigate the challenges of being bullied or watching bullying on the bus. Empowering them to build confidence, establish support networks, leverage technology responsibly, and develop conflict resolution skills will contribute to a safer and more positive school bus experience.  There is no easy solution to this problem.

Mike Bogdanski 

America’s Anti-bully

 

Kids and Mental Health

With the days of being stuck at home and attending school on zoom behind us, the mental health of our children is still very important.  School is still tough on a good day but nearly impossible on days when kids might be getting bullied.

Let’s define bullying so we can assess what we are looking at.  Bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior that involves a person with a real or a perceived power imbalance.  We can all look back at a time in our lives when we experienced bullying.  

Physical bullying is the easiest to see, pushing, shoving, and hitting.  Verbal bullying consists of name-calling, threats, and harassment.  Social bullying is harder to notice, the rumors, the gossip, and being excluded. Now,  it can be compounded by the huge access to technology. Before the days of being digitally connected bullying stopped when kids left school. . Today it follows them everywhere.  Texts, social media, online gaming, and anywhere online where kids gather,  are opportunities for bullies to seek out targets.  Our children need to be taught about these different types of bullying and know they are wrong. 

The effects on a child’s mental health can cause feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, anxiety, and severe depression.  Being beat up (because it happened to me) can make children suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome and scar a person for decades.  Personally, I remember the bad dreams, the headaches, the stomachaches, and the general fear of leaving the house.  The emotional upset is world-changing and does not just go away.  Even witnessing bullying can affect the observers and have a detrimental effect on their well-being.

Bullying can change a child for a lifetime. If bullied at a young age, while going through different developmental stages, a child can be stuck at a point where they fear anything new. Being bullied leaves footprints of anger on a child’s psyche, creating anger at the bullies and developing self-loathing because they could not stand up for themselves.  Thinking thoughts like, why am I so stupid, or so fat, or so ugly affirms to them they deserve to be bullied. 

As an instructor of martial arts as well as a former school counselor I recommend a strong emphasis on the mind and body connection.  I have preached for decades that with a strong body comes a strong mind. The solution- we need to get our kids moving.  The best way is a structured and timed event like a 45-minute karate class or a game of soccer or basketball with a few friends.  It does not need to be competitive because then someone needs to lose. The real benefit is the ability to practice a skill that is fun and gets circulation and movement, especially through the brain!

Let's not allow our kids to wallow in self-pity.  Remember, pushing our kids to be successful is not something we do to kids, it is what we do for kids.

Mike Bogdanski is a martial arts Grandmaster and holds degrees in psychology and counseling

Father of a bully takes action

A father advocated for “old school parenting” in several Facebook videos that show his 10-year-old running to school after he says the boy was kicked off the bus for bullying.

Bryan Thornhill drove behind his 10-year-old son the morning of March 1, as the boy ran through the rain to school.

“Welcome to ‘you better listen to your dad 2018,’” said Thornhill in q facebook video.

Thornhill explained the 10-year-old got kicked off his school bus for three days because he was “being a little bully.”

The father said his son has had to run to school, which is about one mile from the family home, as a result. He added he made the boy run in the rain because he was rude that morning.

In the video, Thornhill refers to the punishment as “old school, simple parenting” and says it’s improved the 10-year-old’s behavior.

“Ironically, since he’s been running to school this week, his behavior’s been much better. Teachers have approved of his behavior this week. He hasn’t gotten in trouble this week, where last week, he was just absolutely out of his mind,” Thornhill said.

What do you think?