Four Steps to Bully-Proof Your Child This September

As the back-to-school season approaches, parents naturally want to ensure their children have a safe and positive experience at school. Bullying remains a concerning issue, but taking proactive steps can help safeguard your child from these types of incidents. Here are four essential steps to help "bully-proof" your child as they head back to school this September.

Open Communication: Start by encouraging an open line of communication with your child. Encourage them to share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns about school. Regular conversations can provide insight into their social interactions and alert you to any potential issues. By building a strong foundation of trust, your child will be more likely to confide in you if they encounter bullying.  Make sure to teach them to identify the three types of bullying, physical, verbal, and social (exclusion) bullying.

Teach Confidence and Assertiveness: Confidence is a powerful tool against bullying. Help your child develop a strong sense of self-worth and teach them how to assertively communicate their boundaries. Role-playing scenarios can help them practice responding confidently to teasing or intimidation, which can deter and deflect bullies from targeting them.  They only need one scripted sentence that they can practice over and over again, a strong ”Back away!” really does the trick.  This needs to be combined with good eye contact and an assertive posture.  Confident kids don’t get picked on.

Educate About Empathy: Empathy is a key aspect of preventing bullying. Teach your child to understand the feelings and perspectives of others. This can help them develop compassion and avoid becoming a bully themselves. Encouraging empathy creates a more inclusive and supportive school environment.  Please teach them to stick up for others.

Build a Support Network: Encourage your child to establish connections with peers who share their interests and values. A solid support network of friends can offer protection against bullies and provide a sense of belonging. Teamwork makes the dream work.  Even if they just have one other friend they can depend on each other for support.  

 Additionally, maintain strong communication with your child's teachers and school staff to stay informed about any potential issues.

In conclusion, creating a safe and bully-free school experience for your child requires a proactive approach. By encouraging open communication, teaching confidence and empathy, and building a strong support network, you empower your child to handle difficult situations and foster a positive school environment. This September, let's work together to equip our children with the tools they need to thrive socially and emotionally throughout the school year.

Take the advice of someone who was painfully shy.  Martial arts training built my confidence exponentially.

Mike Bogdanski

Mike is an anti-bully activist and karate Grandmaster 

Telling is not tattling

 

Telling is not tattling.

You have heard it so many times: “Don’t be a tattle tale!”

As children grow they learn the rules of everyday life. They know that following the rules gives them good results from their parents and peers. It becomes natural for a child (and even us adults) to call attention to perceived rule-breakers. Strangely enough, somewhere along our parent and child development, we learn that “do not tattle” was a good motto for many.

Adults often believe that tattling can be three things.  

1.  A bid for attention.

2. It’s a way to get another child in trouble.

3. A way to correct a child’s behavior.
   

  It is critical to interpret tattling versus telling so that children will confide in a teacher or parent about what they are witnessing.

When students tell on other children, they may have legitimate concerns. Listening to the reason for these concerns and how they affect the situation must be taken seriously, no matter how trivial they seem. Sometimes students do it to gather information, test limits and see if you will enforce the rules. 

The main reason children “tell” is that they don't know how to handle the problem themselves, so they use the only problem-solving technique they know: talking to an adult. Some children will “tell” for attention and recognition, and want you to notice they are following the rules. By reporting others they're seeking the support they are doing the right thing. 

Adults should assume that when a child tells them about a problem, it has some critical importance to the child. No matter how small a concern is, an adult should always reward the child for coming forward. Once the telling has taken place, an adult can clarify the topic for the child. Here are some ways to help a child define "telling".

Assume that the child’s motivations for telling are positive.

• Is it necessary for an adult to help the child or can it be resolved on their own?  

• Is the reported behavior deliberate or is the inappropriate behavior an accident?  

• Do you think the offense is dangerous or harmless?  

• Is it a small deal or a big deal?  

• Is it done to get someone in trouble or to keep people safe?  

• Is someone hurt or might be hurt?

Tattling has a negative connotation. Telling is like witnessing a crime. It could be as simple as “they took my crayon” to “that man instructed me to keep a secret”. The statements need clarification, a rating of urgency, and an expectation of potential harm. You always want your kids to “tell” you when they have a problem, large or small.

Mike Bogdanski is a martial arts Grandmaster and anti-bully activist

Rising to the ocassion.

 

Telling is Not Tattling

Telling is Not Tattling