Talk To Your Kids About Bullies

Talking to your child about school bullies is an essential conversation as the new school year begins. For elementary and middle school-aged children, navigating social interactions can be challenging, and understanding how to handle bullying is crucial for their emotional well-being. Here’s how you can approach this sensitive topic.

1. Create a Safe Space for Conversation:

Start by establishing a safe and open environment where your child feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. During a quiet moment, such as after dinner, when your child is more likely to open up. Begin the conversation by asking general questions about their day at school, such as who they spent time with or what they enjoyed. A good way to start is by asking what was great today and then moving into what was bad today. Gradually steer the conversation toward friendships and peer interactions, making it clear that they can talk to you about anything, including uncomfortable situations.  It might be good to share a personal story from your youth.

2. Define Bullying Clearly:

It’s important to ensure your child understands what bullying is. Explain that bullying can take many forms—physical, verbal, or social—and can occur in person or online. Give age-appropriate examples, such as name-calling, spreading rumors, exclusion from groups, or physical aggression. Emphasize that bullying is repeated behavior intended to hurt someone, which is never the victim's fault.  Sometimes it’s not easy to see the bullying going on.

3. Point Out Real-Life Examples:

To help your child recognize bullying, point out situations you might witness daily. Whether it’s something you see while walking down the street, in a store, or even on television, use these moments as teaching opportunities. For example, if you see children being unkind to each other at a park, gently discuss what you observed with your child and ask how they think the victim might feel. These real-life examples make the concept of bullying more real and help your child to better understand and see similar situations they might encounter at school.

4. Encourage Empathy and Kindness:

Teach your child the importance of empathy by encouraging them to think about how others might feel. Discuss the value of being kind and standing up for peers who bullies may target. Role-playing scenarios can be a helpful way to practice responses to bullying, whether your child witnesses it or experiences it themselves. Reinforce the idea that everyone deserves to feel safe and respected at school.

5. Empower Them with Strategies:

Equip your child with strategies to deal with bullies. Encourage them to stay calm, assertively tell the bully to stop, and walk away if possible.  One of the best skills you can practice is teaching your child to stand assertively, hands open, make good eye contact, and if feeling physically threatened, strongly repeat “Back away”!  This skill can be practiced daily almost like a game until it is embedded in your child.

Emphasize the importance of seeking help from a trusted adult, such as a teacher, school counselor, or trusted adult, if they feel threatened or uncomfortable. Let them know that reporting bullying is not tattling; it’s the responsible way to protect themselves and others. If they don’t help stop bullies, the terror tactics will just continue.

6. Stay Involved and Follow Up:

Maintain an ongoing conversation about your child’s experiences at school. Regularly check in to see how they are doing and if they have encountered any bullying.   To personalize an experience, share your bullying memories and how you dealt with it.  

Stay in touch with teachers and school staff to monitor any problem situation and ensure that your child feels supported. Your involvement can make a significant difference in helping your child navigate bullying effectively.

By keeping communication open, educating your child about bullying, and equipping them with the tools to handle difficult situations, you can help them feel more confident and secure as they navigate the school's social landscape. 

 These tips will help by addressing bullying before it happens.

Mike Bogdanski is a martial arts Grandmaster and Anti-bully activist.

Mikebogdanski.com

Telling is not tattling

 

Telling is not tattling.

You have heard it so many times: “Don’t be a tattle tale!”

As children grow they learn the rules of everyday life. They know that following the rules gives them good results from their parents and peers. It becomes natural for a child (and even us adults) to call attention to perceived rule-breakers. Strangely enough, somewhere along our parent and child development, we learn that “do not tattle” was a good motto for many.

Adults often believe that tattling can be three things.  

1.  A bid for attention.

2. It’s a way to get another child in trouble.

3. A way to correct a child’s behavior.
   

  It is critical to interpret tattling versus telling so that children will confide in a teacher or parent about what they are witnessing.

When students tell on other children, they may have legitimate concerns. Listening to the reason for these concerns and how they affect the situation must be taken seriously, no matter how trivial they seem. Sometimes students do it to gather information, test limits and see if you will enforce the rules. 

The main reason children “tell” is that they don't know how to handle the problem themselves, so they use the only problem-solving technique they know: talking to an adult. Some children will “tell” for attention and recognition, and want you to notice they are following the rules. By reporting others they're seeking the support they are doing the right thing. 

Adults should assume that when a child tells them about a problem, it has some critical importance to the child. No matter how small a concern is, an adult should always reward the child for coming forward. Once the telling has taken place, an adult can clarify the topic for the child. Here are some ways to help a child define "telling".

Assume that the child’s motivations for telling are positive.

• Is it necessary for an adult to help the child or can it be resolved on their own?  

• Is the reported behavior deliberate or is the inappropriate behavior an accident?  

• Do you think the offense is dangerous or harmless?  

• Is it a small deal or a big deal?  

• Is it done to get someone in trouble or to keep people safe?  

• Is someone hurt or might be hurt?

Tattling has a negative connotation. Telling is like witnessing a crime. It could be as simple as “they took my crayon” to “that man instructed me to keep a secret”. The statements need clarification, a rating of urgency, and an expectation of potential harm. You always want your kids to “tell” you when they have a problem, large or small.

Mike Bogdanski is a martial arts Grandmaster and anti-bully activist

Father of a bully takes action

A father advocated for “old school parenting” in several Facebook videos that show his 10-year-old running to school after he says the boy was kicked off the bus for bullying.

Bryan Thornhill drove behind his 10-year-old son the morning of March 1, as the boy ran through the rain to school.

“Welcome to ‘you better listen to your dad 2018,’” said Thornhill in q facebook video.

Thornhill explained the 10-year-old got kicked off his school bus for three days because he was “being a little bully.”

The father said his son has had to run to school, which is about one mile from the family home, as a result. He added he made the boy run in the rain because he was rude that morning.

In the video, Thornhill refers to the punishment as “old school, simple parenting” and says it’s improved the 10-year-old’s behavior.

“Ironically, since he’s been running to school this week, his behavior’s been much better. Teachers have approved of his behavior this week. He hasn’t gotten in trouble this week, where last week, he was just absolutely out of his mind,” Thornhill said.

What do you think?

All The Latest ANTI Bully News In One Spot

Want to get all your bully news in one spot?   

           America's ANTI Bully, Mike Bogdanski has created a site to highlight all the latest information and resources about bullying and cyberbullying in one convenient location.

Click here to see how Mike captures this information to help you in your fight against bullying.

Scoopit now!

Remember The Headline?

                                  

                                            Have The Talk With Your Children!

Not about the birds and the bees but about being online –safely!

We've come a long way since the 60s' parenting scare tactic-

 "It's 10:00 pm. Do you know where your children are?"

The reality is that you're probably very trusting of your children if they have their own computer, have the ability to post videos on YouTube,  photos of the party they attended Saturday night on Facebook or surfing almost any internet site.

While the Internet has its substantial benefits of being educational and entertaining as well as a source for any inquiry, there are also a lot of troublesome situations your children could encounter online.

Firstly, remind your children that anything they put up on the Internet is public and could have serious consequences in the near and far future, potentially costing them their dream job or an athletic sponsorship.  Future employers do google you.

More and more employers are using social media profiles as part of their decision process when hiring (sites like Facebook, Myspace, Linkedin)." These sites are definitely an easy gateway for online predators to communicate with children under a pseudonym and fabricated profile.

A serious and real online concern is cyber bullying. Children have the opportunity to anonymously embarrass or threaten a classmate on the Internet. If you find out that your child is a victim of a cyber bully,  keep a record of everything that was said, because it could be helpful when the child feels comfortable enough to speak to an adult about it.

Parents should also ensure that they "don't overreact if their children have a negative experience online (research has shown that youth often don't report being the victims of cyber bullying because they're afraid their parents will cut off their Internet access)," says Matthew Johnson, (Media Awareness Network).

This is an electronically tethered society and like it or not, it is here to stay.  We just need to be vigilant, cautious and educated about the dangers it poses.

The Full Impact Of Bullying

     A ground-breaking Warwick University study has been published on the impact of childhood bullying in later life.It is the first of its kind to examine the social and economic effects of childhood bullying, and track the problems facing the victims as adults.

And it shows that serious illness, struggling to hold down a regular job and poor social relationships are just some of the adverse outcomes in adulthood faced by those exposed to bullying in childhood.

The new study analysed 1,420 participants four to six times between the ages of 9 and 16 years and adult outcomes between 24-26 years of age. They were victims, bullies and ‘bully-victims’, those who fell into both categories.

And the results published in Psychological Science showed there was no real difference in the likelihood of being married or having children.
However, all groups showed signs of having difficulty forming social relationships, particularly when it came to maintaining long-term friendships or good ties with parents in adulthood, and were more than twice as likely to have difficulty in keeping a job, or commit to saving, and as such displayed a higher propensity for being impoverished in young adulthood.

Very few ill effects of being the bully were found.
Professor Dieter Wolke, of the University of Warwick, and Dr William Copeland, of Duke University Medical Center, led the research and found the ‘bully-victims’ presented the most significant health risk for adulthood, being more than six times more likely to be diagnosed with a serious illness, smoke regularly or develop a psychiatric disorder.
Professor Wolke said: “We cannot continue to dismiss bullying as a harmless, almost inevitable, part of growing up.

“We need to change this mindset and acknowledge this as a serious problem for both the individual and the country as a whole; the effects are long-lasting and significant.”
Emma-Jane Cross, chief executive officer and founder of the bullying prevention group BeatBullying, said: “BeatBullying has been raising awareness of the devastating impact of bullying on young people’s lives for over ten years. But as this research reveals, bullying not only robs young people of their childhood, but can also severely damage a person’s future potential leaving them at greater risk of becoming impoverished.
“This research should be a wakeup call for us all. We need action now from Government, schools, families and communities.”

The Called Him Pork Chop

Canadian poet Shane Koyczan, best known for his spoken word performance at the opening ceremony of the 2010 Vancouver Olympics, has scored a viral hit with his anti-bullying video, Pork Chop.
An animated, poetic take on bullying and how it affects the lives of children and adults, the seven and a half minute video posted on February 19 has already received more 1.1 million hits and thousands of comments. It is part of the anti-bullying campaigner’s To This Day Project.

Mike

America's ANTI Bully

TV Host bullied For being Overweight

TV host hits back over weight ‘bullying’

An overweight TV news presenter has responded publicly to a viewer’s criticism of her figure, calling him a "bully" in a four-minute speech on air that has gone viral online.

Jennifer Livingston said she thought nothing of the email at first but then thought of her daughters who could take such criticism personally.

The Wisconsin anchorwoman for WKBT-TV did not identify the man, who wrote that he was surprised to see her physical condition had not improved for years. He also told her he hopes she doesn’t consider herself a suitable example for young people.


Mike Bogdanski
America's ANTI Bully
860-315-0205

Tips For Parents

This is a trailer for the documentary “Bully,” which was released last month and has garnered much national attention. While many people have an understandable tendency to dismiss bullying as just being a part of growing up, it is important for all of us to understand that bullying behavior in the 21st century is no longer limited to school hallways and playgrounds. Rather, the increase in popularity for social media sites like Facebook and Twitter have made so-called
“cyber bullying” an additional way for victims to be harassed and abused.

I bring this issue up because it is important for parents to understand that they need to become involved when their child has become a victim of bullying. A New Jersey school board recently agreed to a $4.2 million settlement with a former student six years after a punch from a bully resulted in the student being paralyzed. While the board of education in that incident did not admit liability, the family of the paralyzed student was able to demonstrate that school officials knew or should have known about the attacker’s violent tendencies.

That case demonstrates the importance of documenting all conversations a parent attempts to have with school officials regarding bullying. Parents cannot be afraid to take action when a child is being repeatedly bullied. It is perfectly appropriate to contact the authorities if there is any kind of physical assault, and you should speak to a lawyer if teachers or school administrators seem dismissive or unconcerned with the issue.

While bullying has long been treated as just being another “part of life,” more and more cases of this behavior around the nation are resulting in catastrophic injuries or even deaths. Parents must still maintain the greatest protective role. It is important for all of us to become involved so we can hopefully prevent any more unnecessary injuries or deaths resulting from bullying.

Meet Hank Hanky- bully advice

There is an animated series on YOUTUBE called Ask Hank in which a cartoon character Hank Hanky answers questions from the audience.  Check out his tips on bullying

Click here to view