Monday, January 8, 2024

Empowering Strategies for Kids Bullied on the Bus

 








Empowering Strategies for Kids Bullied on the Bus

A five-year-old we know often complains of being bullied and harassed on the bus along with other children. The bullies on a school bus have a captive audience, including a driver who is focused on the road. I have a few tips for dealing with bullying on the school bus. Now that your child is in a contained environment with a ride that can last up to 30 minutes and longer, with very little supervision, you can see why buses are one of the top places where bullying takes place. Being bullied on the school bus is a scary experience for children, impacting their emotional well-being and overall school experience. To help empower kids facing this challenge, here are four effective strategies they can employ:

Confidence Building:

  1. One of the most powerful weapons against bullying is self-confidence. Encourage your child when entering the bus to stand tall, make eye contact, and project confidence. Bullies often target those they perceive as vulnerable, and a confident demeanor can deter potential aggressors.  Over sixty percent of communication is nonverbal and, practicing assertive body language, and having a warrior face (if needed) can help your child feel more in control and less susceptible to intimidation.  Like any other skill, this needs rehearsal as a tool against bullies who are looking to make intimidation their game.  Even small people can have a “you can’t defeat me” attitude.  

Establish Support Networks:

  1. Creating a support network can significantly help a child facing bullying. Encourage your child to identify friends or peers on the bus who may be experiencing similar challenges. Strength lies in numbers, and having allies can provide emotional support and deter bullies. Many years ago we had a similar situation with a kindergarten karate student.  We had a black-belt eighth grader on the same bus who addressed the bullies—no more problems.  When a bystander sticks up for a child being bullied, the bullying stops in thirty seconds or less, over 80 percent of the time. 

Communication with school staff and teachers ensures that adults know the situation and must intervene appropriately.  Telling the bus driver is not being a tattle-tale, it is reporting a breach of school policy.  Establishing a sense of teamwork with friends both on the bus and within the school environment reinforces the idea that no one should endure bullying alone and yes sometimes we may need a bodyguard. 

Utilize Technological Tools:

  1. Technology can be a powerful ally in combating bullying in the digital age. Encourage older children to use their smartphones (if they are old enough) to discreetly document instances of bullying through photos, videos, or voice recordings. This evidence can be crucial when reporting incidents to school authorities, providing concrete proof of the behavior. Additionally, there are various safety apps available that allow children to send distress signals or share their location with trusted contacts in real-time. These tools can empower kids to take control of their safety and find help when needed.

Develop Conflict Resolution Skills:

  1. Teaching children effective conflict resolution skills equips them to handle bullying situations with poise and intelligence. Encourage your child to practice assertive communication, express their feelings, and set boundaries calmly. Role-playing scenarios and teaching a child to remain calm with long slow breaths are helpful.  Saying “back away” with a strong voice and good eye contact is the million-dollar defense. Rehearsing this with your children will make them feel more prepared and confident in addressing bullying situations. Also, teaching empathy to your child, allows them to be an upstander instead of a bystander fosters a “no bullying”  community, and promotes a positive and inclusive environment on the bus.

Encourage your child to practice positive self-talk. Make sure they know they have your support and that you are always available to listen. Finally, remind them that they are strong and can stand up for themselves if needed.

By implementing these strategies, children can develop the resilience and skills needed to navigate the challenges of being bullied or watching bullying on the bus. Empowering them to build confidence, establish support networks, leverage technology responsibly, and develop conflict resolution skills will contribute to a safer and more positive school bus experience.  There is no easy solution to this problem.

Mike Bogdanski 

America’s Anti-bully







Thursday, August 17, 2023

Four Steps to Bully-Proof Your Child This September


As the back-to-school season approaches, parents naturally want to ensure their children have a safe and positive experience at school. Bullying remains a concerning issue, but taking proactive steps can help safeguard your child from these types of incidents. Here are four essential steps to help "bully-proof" your child as they head back to school this September.


Open Communication: Start by encouraging an open line of communication with your child. Encourage them to share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns about school. Regular conversations can provide insight into their social interactions and alert you to any potential issues. By building a strong foundation of trust, your child will be more likely to confide in you if they encounter bullying.  Make sure to teach them to identify the three types of bullying, physical, verbal, and social (exclusion) bullying.


Teach Confidence and Assertiveness: Confidence is a powerful tool against bullying. Help your child develop a strong sense of self-worth and teach them how to assertively communicate their boundaries. Role-playing scenarios can help them practice responding confidently to teasing or intimidation, which can deter and deflect bullies from targeting them.  They only need one scripted sentence that they can practice over and over again, a strong ”Back away!” really does the trick.  This needs to be combined with good eye contact and an assertive posture.  Confident kids don’t get picked on.


Educate About Empathy: Empathy is a key aspect of preventing bullying. Teach your child to understand the feelings and perspectives of others. This can help them develop compassion and avoid becoming a bully themselves. Encouraging empathy creates a more inclusive and supportive school environment.  Please teach them to stick up for others.


Build a Support Network: Encourage your child to establish connections with peers who share their interests and values. A solid support network of friends can offer protection against bullies and provide a sense of belonging. Teamwork makes the dream work.  Even if they just have one other friend they can depend on each other for support.  

 Additionally, maintain strong communication with your child's teachers and school staff to stay informed about any potential issues.


In conclusion, creating a safe and bully-free school experience for your child requires a proactive approach. By encouraging open communication, teaching confidence and empathy, and building a strong support network, you empower your child to handle difficult situations and foster a positive school environment. This September, let's work together to equip our children with the tools they need to thrive socially and emotionally throughout the school year.


Take the advice of someone who was painfully shy.  Martial arts training built my confidence exponentially.


Mike Bogdanski

Mike is an anti-bully activist and karate Grandmaster 

Monday, March 13, 2023

Telling is not tattling

 


Telling is not tattling.

You have heard it so many times: “Don’t be a tattle tale!”

As children grow they learn the rules of everyday life. They know that following the rules gives them good results from their parents and peers. It becomes natural for a child (and even us adults) to call attention to perceived rule-breakers. Strangely enough, somewhere along our parent and child development, we learn that “do not tattle” was a good motto for many.

Adults often believe that tattling can be three things.  

  1.  A bid for attention.

  2. It’s a way to get another child in trouble.

  3. A way to correct a child’s behavior.

  It is critical to interpret tattling versus telling so that children will confide in a teacher or parent about what they are witnessing.


When students tell on other children, they may have legitimate concerns. Listening to the reason for these concerns and how they affect the situation must be taken seriously, no matter how trivial they seem. Sometimes students do it to gather information, test limits and see if you will enforce the rules. 

The main reason children “tell” is that they don't know how to handle the problem themselves, so they use the only problem-solving technique they know: talking to an adult. Some children will “tell” for attention and recognition, and want you to notice they are following the rules. By reporting others they're seeking the support they are doing the right thing. 

Adults should assume that when a child tells them about a problem, it has some critical importance to the child. No matter how small a concern is, an adult should always reward the child for coming forward. Once the telling has taken place, an adult can clarify the topic for the child. Here are some ways to help a child define "telling".

Assume that the child’s motivations for telling are positive.

  • Is it necessary for an adult to help the child or can it be resolved on their own?  

  • Is the reported behavior deliberate or is the inappropriate behavior an accident?  

  • Do you think the offense is dangerous or harmless?  

  • Is it a small deal or a big deal?  

  • Is it done to get someone in trouble or to keep people safe?  

  • Is someone hurt or might be hurt?

Tattling has a negative connotation. Telling is like witnessing a crime. It could be as simple as “they took my crayon” to “that man instructed me to keep a secret”. The statements need clarification, a rating of urgency, and an expectation of potential harm. You always want your kids to “tell” you when they have a problem, large or small.

Mike Bogdanski is a martial arts Grandmaster and anti-bully activist


Tuesday, December 20, 2022

 

Kids and Mental Health

With the days of being stuck at home and attending school on zoom behind us, the mental health of our children is still very important.  School is still tough on a good day but nearly impossible on days when kids might be getting bullied.


Let’s define bullying so we can assess what we are looking at.  Bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior that involves a person with a real or a perceived power imbalance.  We can all look back at a time in our lives when we experienced bullying.  


Physical bullying is the easiest to see, pushing, shoving, and hitting.  Verbal bullying consists of name-calling, threats, and harassment.  Social bullying is harder to notice, the rumors, the gossip, and being excluded. Now,  it can be compounded by the huge access to technology. Before the days of being digitally connected bullying stopped when kids left school. . Today it follows them everywhere.  Texts, social media, online gaming, and anywhere online where kids gather,  are opportunities for bullies to seek out targets.  Our children need to be taught about these different types of bullying and know they are wrong. 


The effects on a child’s mental health can cause feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, anxiety, and severe depression.  Being beat up (because it happened to me) can make children suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome and scar a person for decades.  Personally, I remember the bad dreams, the headaches, the stomachaches, and the general fear of leaving the house.  The emotional upset is world-changing and does not just go away.  Even witnessing bullying can affect the observers and have a detrimental effect on their well-being.


Bullying can change a child for a lifetime. If bullied at a young age, while going through different developmental stages, a child can be stuck at a point where they fear anything new. Being bullied leaves footprints of anger on a child’s psyche, creating anger at the bullies and developing self-loathing because they could not stand up for themselves.  Thinking thoughts like, why am I so stupid, or so fat, or so ugly affirms to them they deserve to be bullied. 


As an instructor of martial arts as well as a former school counselor I recommend a strong emphasis on the mind and body connection.  I have preached for decades that with a strong body comes a strong mind. The solution- we need to get our kids moving.  The best way is a structured and timed event like a 45-minute karate class or a game of soccer or basketball with a few friends.  It does not need to be competitive because then someone needs to lose. The real benefit is the ability to practice a skill that is fun and gets circulation and movement, especially through the brain!


Let's not allow our kids to wallow in self-pity.  Remember, pushing our kids to be successful is not something we do to kids, it is what we do for kids.


Mike Bogdanski is a martial arts Grandmaster and holds degrees in psychology and counseling


Tuesday, December 13, 2022

Bullying and mental health

 


With the days of being stuck at home and attending school on zoom behind us, the mental health of our children is still very important.  School is still tough on a good day but nearly impossible on days when kids might be getting bullied.


Let’s define bullying so we can assess what we are looking at.  Bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior that involves a person with a real or a perceived power imbalance.  We can all look back at a time in our lives when we experienced bullying.  


Physical bullying is the easiest to see, pushing, shoving, and hitting.  Verbal bullying consists of name-calling, threats, and harassment.  Social bullying is harder to notice, the rumors, the gossip, and being excluded. Now,  it can be compounded by the huge access to technology. Before the days of being digitally connected bullying stopped when kids left school. . Today it follows them everywhere.  Texts, social media, online gaming, and anywhere online where kids gather,  are opportunities for bullies to seek out targets.  Our children need to be taught about these different types of bullying and know they are wrong. 


The effects on a child’s mental health can cause feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, anxiety, and severe depression.  Being beat up (because it happened to me) can make children suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome and scar a person for decades.  Personally, I remember the bad dreams, the headaches, the stomachaches, and the general fear of leaving the house.  The emotional upset is world-changing and does not just go away.  Even witnessing bullying can affect the observers and have a detrimental effect on their well-being.


Bullying can change a child for a lifetime. If bullied at a young age, while going through different developmental stages, a child can be stuck at a point where they fear anything new. Being bullied leaves footprints of anger on a child’s psyche, creating anger at the bullies and developing self-loathing because they could not stand up for themselves.  Thinking thoughts like, why am I so stupid, or so fat, or so ugly affirms to them they deserve to be bullied. 


As an instructor of martial arts as well as a former school counselor I recommend a strong emphasis on the mind and body connection.  I have preached for decades that with a strong body comes a strong mind. The solution- we need to get our kids moving.  The best way is a structured and timed event like a 45-minute karate class or a game of soccer or basketball with a few friends.  It does not need to be competitive because then someone needs to lose. The real benefit is the ability to practice a skill that is fun and gets circulation and movement, especially through the brain!


Let's not allow our kids to wallow in self-pity.  Remember, pushing our kids to be successful is not something we do to kids, it is what we do for kids.


Mike Bogdanski is a martial arts Grandmaster and holds degrees in psychology and counselingmental health kid image