A New Commandment!

There should be a new commandment.

“Thou shall not ignore bullying”

Students make lots of excuses for not sticking up for
kids being targets of bullying.

“It’s not my problem.”

“They deserve it.”

“I am not a tattletale.”

“They are not my friend/group.”

When they don’t stick up for a person that is being bullied it not only hurts victim but it hurts the bystander too.

But kids don’t interrupt bullying because;

They are afraid of becoming the target.

Don’t think it’s a big deal

Don’t know what to do.

It’s like a chemical shift in the bystander, just like any high stress situation the feeling of fight or flight enters their world. We need to train kids that the greatest leaders of the world have a moral code of responsibility to do what is right.

Bushido- the ethical code of the samurai is characterized by several key points.

Benevolence- characterizes the true goodness of the mind and spirit is the unbiased kindness to do good. It is the expression of agape love (Greek word for unconditional love).

Rectitude- rightness of principal, justice.

James Williams' article "Virtue of the sword", describes a fairly simple explanation of bushido:

“The warrior protects and defends because he realizes the value of others. He knows that they are essential to society and, in his gift of service, recognizes and values theirs... take the extra moment in dark parking lots at night to make sure that a woman gets into her car safely before leaving yourself. Daily involvement in acts such as these are as much a part of training as time spent in the dojo, and indeed should be the reason for that time spent training... When faced with a woman or child in a situation in which they are vulnerable, there are two types of men: those who would offer succor and aid, and those who would prey upon them. And in modern society, there is another loathsome breed who would totally ignore their plight!”

Giri - Obligation, duty.

Lets each kids it's their duty to stick up for someone being bullied

Mike Bogdanski
www.mikebogdanski.com

The "Happy Slap"

Happy Slapping...

is a fad where a person is targeted by bullies for a

violent assault while being recorded by an accomplice (usually a cell phone).

These assaults also fall into sexual attacks or demeaning actswhich are used to sadistically surprise the victim at their expense. What may have started as a joke or prank has reached extreme situations, sometimes with a fatal outcome.

What once was just a mild physical threat meant to intimidate and embarass someone has taken on serious meanings. Born out of South London as "Slap TV" was originally bullies fighting by phone and soon became a huge deviant craze. France has now criminalized "happy slapping" and the video assistant is also complicit as an accessory in the crime.

In some cases the videos were used as evidence in court against the new wave of cyber bully. Some of the mixed martial arts and professional wrestling is very popular with teens, is promoting more violence and has gone underground, video recorded and posted on the internet for the world to see.

Humiliation is no longer just a schoolyard event but a global one.

Mike Bogdanski
www.mikebogdanski.com

"The Truth About Cyber Bullying"

Cell phones and computers are the greatest inventions of this century and one of the greatest bully tools.

Anna, a 14-year-old high school student from Poland was recorded by a cell phone video camera when her classmates pinned her down and stripped her to her underwear.

Cyberbullying is a serious threat to teens. Stories like Anna’s occur daily in every state and town. The National Crime Prevention Council defines cyberbullying as “teens using the Internet, cell phones, or other devices to send or post text or images intended to hurt or embarrass another person.”

In Anna's case, the bullies were classmates that she had known for a long time. She was considered an “easy girl” at the school because someone said he had caught her making out with an older student. This gossip turned out to be untrue, but too late. The bullies posted the video on the Internet - because “everybody does it.” The bullies took inspiration from bouncers of a local club who filmed two teenagers having sex in a bathroom. Soon after the video was published on the Web, the couple had to change their school and even dyed their hair so people wouldn't recognize them.

Cyberbullying now affects over thirty percent of American teens. Twenty percent have been threatened online more than once. Almost 60 percent have not told their parents about their problems. The worst is in Japan, where almost every grammar school student owns at least one cell phone. It is suspected that from 1999 to 2005 cyberbullying may have been the cause of 16 suicides.

At first, the authorities from Anna's school wanted to brush this tragedy under the carpet. The molestation occurred when no teacher was in the classroom because she had been called out by the principal. Leaving 20 students unsupervised was a breach of school policy. When the teacher returned Anna was brought to the nurse and sent home. The four bullies resumed their day as if nothing happened. Anna's parents were not home at that time so she was left with her brother. No school authorities called Anna later to ask how she was doing.

Cyberbullying has its roots in school violence. A study published in the Journal of School Violence found that “bullies [are] among the most popular students in the school, receiving more peer nominations on average than students uninvolved in bullying.”.

Polish television reported on high school students who verbally abused their teacher and then put a trashcan on his head. The incident was recorded and posted on video websites. The teacher later retired and the bullies went unpunished

Cyberbullying is anonymous and cowardly. You don’t have to be big and strong to hide behind your cell phone or laptop. Socialization now happens by instant message, facebook, myspace and chat rooms.

There is no perfect way to protect your child from cyberbullying. “Parents also need to understand that a child is just as likely to be a cyberbully as a target of cyberbullying and often go back and forth between the two roles. Children have killed committed suicide after having been involved in cyberbullying incidents.

The day when Anna's was stripped and humiliated in public was her last visit to school. “Everyone was laughing; it all was great fun,” remembered a boy who witnessed the entire episode. He looked uncomfortable in the suit that his parents told him to wear to Anna's funeral.

She hung herself in her room when the shameful video had been published on the web.

Is bullying a problem?

Mike Bogdanski

America’s ANTI Bully Solution

www.mikebogdanski.com

Cyber Bullying

Traditionally, bullying has involved physical bullying, verbal bullying, or social bullying. Today technology has given everyone a new means of bullying each other.

Cyber bullying, which is sometimes referred to as online social cruelty or electronic bullying, can involve:

• Mean, vulgar, or threatening messages or images
• Posting sensitive, private information
  
• Pretending to be someone else in order to make that person look bad

Kids can cyberbully each other through:

• E-mail
• Instant messaging
• Text message
  
• Web sites
  
• Blogs
• Chat rooms
  

Cyberbullying Stats

• 18% of students in grades 6-8 said they had been cyberbullied at least once in the last couple of months; and 6% said it had happened to them 2 or more times (Kowalski et al., 2005).
• 11% of students in grades 6-8 said they had cyberbullied another person at least once in the last couple of months, and 2% said they had done it two or more times (Kowalski et al., 2005).
• 19% of regular Internet users between the ages of 10 and 17 reported being involved in online aggression; 15% had been aggressors, and 7% had been targets (3% were both aggressors and targets) (Ybarra & Mitchell, 2004).
• 17% of 6-11 year-olds and 36% of 12-17-year-olds reported that someone said threatening or embarrassing things about them through e-mail, instant messages, web sites, chat rooms, or text messages (Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, 2006).
• Cyber bullying has increased in recent years. In nationally representative surveys of 10-17 year-olds, twice as many children and youth indicated that they had been victims and perpetrators of online harassment in 2005 compared with 1999/2000 (Wolak, Mitchell, & Finkelhor, 2006).

Who are the victims and perpetrators of cyber bullying?

In a recent study of students in grades 6-8 (Kowalski et al., 2005):

• Girls were about twice as likely as boys to be victims and perpetrators of cyber bullying.
• Of those students who had been cyberbullied relatively frequently (at least twice in the last couple of months):
• 62% said that they had been cyberbullied by another student at school, and 46% had been cyberbullied by a friend.
• 55% didn't know who had cyberbullied them.
• Of those students who admitted cyber bullying others relatively frequently:
• 60% had cyberbullied another student at school, and 56% had cyberbullied a friend.

What are the methods of cyber bullying?

In recent studies of middle and high school students, (Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, 2006; Kowalski et al., 2005; Wolak, Mitchell, & Finkelhor, 2006) the most common way that children and youth reported being cyberbullied was through instant messaging. Somewhat less common ways involved the use of chat rooms, e-mails, and messages posted on web sites. A study of younger children (Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, 2006) showed that they were most often bullied through e-mail, comments on a web site, or in a chat room.


Do children tell they are being cyber bullied?

According to one telephone survey of preteens and teens (Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, 2006):

• 51% of preteens but only 35% of teens who had been cyber bullied had told their parents about their experience;
• 27% of preteens and only 9% of teens who had been cyber bullied had told a teacher;
• 44% of preteens and 72% of teens who had been cyber bullied had told a friend;
• 31% of preteens and 35% of teens who had been cyber bullied had told a brother or sister; and
• 16% of preteens and teens who had been cyber bullied had told no one.

How does cyber bullying differ from other traditional forms of bullying?

Although there is little research yet on cyber bullying among children and youth, available research and experience suggest that cyber bullying may differ from more “traditional” forms of bullying in a number of ways (Willard, 2005), including:

• Cyber bullying can occur any time of the day or night;
• Cyber bullying messages and images can be distributed quickly to a very wide audience;
• Children and youth can be anonymous when cyber bullying, which makes it difficult (and sometimes impossible) to trace them.

What can adults do to prevent cyber bullying?

Adults seldom are present in the online environments frequented by children and youth. Therefore, it is extremely important that adults pay close attention to the cyber bullying and the activities of children and youth when using these new technologies.

Suggestions for parents*

Tips to help prevent cyber bullying:

• Keep your home computer(s) in easily viewable places , such as a family room or kitchen.
• Talk regularly with your child about on-line activities he or she is involved in.
• Talk specifically about cyber bullying and encourage your child to tell you immediately if he or she is the victim of cyber bullying, cyberstalking, or other illegal or troublesome on-line behavior.
  
• Encourage your child to tell you if he or she is aware of others who may be the victims of such behavior.
• Explain that cyber bullying is harmful and unacceptable behavior. Outline your expectations for responsible online behavior and make it clear that there will be consequences for inappropriate behavior.
• Although adults must respect the privacy of children and youth, concerns for your child’s safety may sometimes override these privacy concerns. Tell your child that you may review his or her on-line communications if you think there is reason for concern.
• Consider installing parental control filtering software and/or tracking programs, but don’t rely solely on these tools.

Tips for dealing with cyber bullying that your child has experienced:

Because cyber bullying can range from rude comments to lies, impersonations, and threats, your responses may depend on the nature and severity of the cyber bullying. Here are some actions that you may want to take after-the-fact.

• Strongly encourage your child not to respond to the cyber bullying.
• Do not erase the messages or pictures. Save these as evidence.
• Try to identify the individual doing the cyber bullying. Even if the cyberbully is anonymous (e.g., is using a fake name or someone else’s identity) there may be a way to track them through your Internet Service Provider. If the cyber bullying is criminal (or if you suspect that it may be), contact the police and ask them to do the tracking.
• Sending inappropriate language may violate the “Terms and Conditions” of e-mail services, Internet Service Providers, web sites, and cell phone companies. Consider contacting these providers and filing a complaint.
• If the cyber bullying is coming through e-mail or a cell phone, it may be possible to block future contact from the cyberbully. Of course, the cyberbully may assume a different identity and continue the bullying.
• Contact your school. If the cyber bullying is occurring through your school district’s Internet system, school administrators have an obligation to intervene. Even if the cyber bullying is occurring off campus, make your school administrators aware of the problem. They may be able to help you resolve the cyber bullying or be watchful for face-to-face bullying.
• Consider contacting the cyberbully’s parents. These parents may be very concerned to learn that their child has been cyber bullying others, and they may effectively put a stop to the bullying. On the other hand, these parents may react very badly to your contacting them. So, proceed cautiously. If you decide to contact a cyberbully’s parents, communicate with them in writing — not face-to-face. Present proof of the cyber bullying (e.g., copies of an e-mail message) and ask them to make sure the cyber bullying stops.
• Consider contacting an attorney in cases of serious cyber bullying. In some circumstances, civil law permits victims to sue a bully or his or her parents in order to recover damages.
• Contact the police if cyber bullying involves acts such as:
• Threats of violence
• Extortion
• Obscene or harassing phone calls or text messages
• Harassment, stalking, or hate crimes
• Child pornography

If you are uncertain if cyber bullying violates your jurisdiction’s criminal laws, contact your local police, who will advise you.


Suggestions for educators

• Educate your students, teachers, and other staff members about cyber bullying, its dangers, and what to do if someone is cyberbullied.
• Be sure that your school’s anti-bullying rules and policies address cyber bullying.
• Closely monitor students’ use of computers at school.
• Use filtering and tracking software on all computers, but don’t rely solely on this software to screen out cyber bullying and other problematic on-line behavior.
• Investigate reports of cyber bullying immediately. If cyber bullying occurs through the school district’s Internet system, you are obligated to take action. If the cyber bullying occurs off-campus, consider what actions you might take to help address the bullying:
• Notify parents of victims and parents of cyberbullies of known or suspected cyber bullying.
• Notify the police if the known or suspected cyber bullying involves a threat.
• Closely monitor the behavior of the affected students at school for possible bullying.
• Talk with all students about the harms caused by cyber bullying. Remember — cyber bullying that occurs off-campus can travel like wildfire among your students and can affect how they behave and relate to each other at school.
• Investigate to see if the victim(s) of cyber bullying could use some support from a school counselor or school-based mental health professional.
• Contact the police immediately if known or suspected cyber bullying involves acts such as:
• Threats of violence
• Extortion
• Obscene or harassing phone calls or text messages
• Harassment, stalking, or hate crimes
• Child pornography

Information from health resources and service admin

A Woman's Perspective

I wanted to pass on this story that has the female slant to bullying.

It's become the silent emotional killer among women. Women who are downright mean, malicious and disrespectful with each other. This trend is creating havoc in our relationships with each other, for it strikes the core of sisterhood. Real sisterhood can only exist when respect and trust stand unshakeable. In this particular, most men are quite opposite to us. For a man, a brother is a brother is a brother.

However, what is most disturbing about our malicious ways is that we are passing on a legacy of a broken sisterhood to our daughters. Girls that are mean and catty are usually this way because their understanding is that this is a normal part of femaleness. They grow up to become mean and catty women who perpetuate a diseased sisterhood.

To break this cycle we each need to make a conscious effort to validate all women. Be they our friends or not. Otherwise, we will continue to find ourselves moving within circles of female hostility, suspicion, and pain. Here is my list of the most detestable practices that we need to discontinue in order to heal our sisterhood:

1. Talking about each other - You are really not her friend if what you have to say about her is so bad you can't say it in front of her. If you are a real friend you should be able to tell her your concerns for her life to her face. If you have the need to tell others, but you haven't found the time to tell her – red lights should be flashing. Believe it or not, gossiping is not an intrinsic part of being female. Women who gossip do it not because it's a woman-thing, but because they want to elevate themselves and put other women in a place of inferiority. Gossiping is just another symptom of deeper insecurities.

2. Fighting for men – One of the most undignified things that any woman can do is to fight, argue, or curse another woman over a man. It's a disgusting trend that used to be a school girl thing, but today adult women are doing it too. If both of you are in conflict - because his choice is not clear - then that means that he's really not into any of you. He's probably playing both of you. That man really does not deserve love or attention from either one of you. Let him go.

3. Joining female gangs – Women who make you feel unwelcome and unwanted within their circle of friends are not to be trusted. Women cliques have become common in the workplace, at church, in the neighborhood. Cliques are the dwelling place of insecure women. Women who join cliques are seeking refuge from their own lack of confidence by cocooning themselves within this circle of supposed exclusivity. Again, the need to belong to, or be part of a clique is also a sign of deeper insecurities. Beware, cliques are usually encouraged and thrive on a type of gang mentality.

4. Undermining each other – Beware of any woman who can never celebrate your accomplishments with you. It could be a new boyfriend, a promotion, an award, a new job, a new acquisition, weight loss. If she has nothing positive to say to you about it, does not show emotional support, or chooses to remain silent she is not a true friend. Real friends know how to recognize and genuinely rejoice for our successes with pride.

5. Competing against each other – You need to get this straight. There will always be another woman with nicer hair, a more caring husband or boyfriend, better behaved children, a better paying job, a bigger house, a more fashionable wardrobe – there will always be some woman with more of what you don't have. Consequently, the only person that you need to compete against is yourself. Strive to be the best that you can be - for you. Competing against other women to prove yourself superior is a financial and emotional drainer. Because of this mindless competition we become mean, envious and hypocritical. It is pointless.

6. Disrespecting boundaries – To survive peacefully every relationship and every friendship must have clear boundaries. Good relationships operate within margins of respect. Within this level of respect, privacy and intimacy are keywords. Yes, you are my friend, but that doesn't give me the right to walk into your bedroom or your kitchen, unbeknownst to you, and help myself to your stuff. I don't do this not because you won't allow me to, but because I respect your privacy and your things. Consequently, we both need to know and respect each other's levels of privacy and intimacy.

7. Crossing boundaries – This is similar to the above, the only difference is that my respect of your boundaries should never depend on my friendship with you. We need to respect women for the simple fact that they are women. If she is a woman she is a sister. Period. Therefore, from that understanding I will have the utmost respect for her children, her man, her opinions, her choices, and for her as a person. It amazes me how women are quick to disrespect another sister's boundaries, but feel offended if another woman does to them the same exact thing. Honestly, that type of inconsistent behavior can only be credited to some form of mental illness.

8. Exploiting our friendships – This is a major one. Why are you friends? Do you only remember her being around whenever she could get something from you? It doesn't even have to be material. It could just be your time or your positive energy. Does she happen to be always on the receiving side, with you dishing out ton loads of yourself or your stuff? Or is she your friend because of what you represent? It could be that your husband's position or yours, your possessions, your talent, whatever, represents some form of achievement. Is she a friend because that link to you places her on a higher platform? In a real friendship appreciation, support, and loyalty must be reciprocal

By Norka Blackman-Richards | Circle Sister

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Olweus Bully Criteria

Bullying is characterized by the following three criteria.

1. Is it aggressive behavior or intentional "harmdoing"
2. Is it carried out repeatedly and over time, and
3. It occurs within an interpersonal relationship characterized
by an imbalance of power.

Is Your Child A Victim?

How can I tell if my child is a victim of bullying?

Ideally, a child will tell an authority figure if he or she is in danger, but some children may be embarrassed or feel weak by admitting to being the victim of a bully. Also, the effects of bullying aren't always as obvious as a black eye. Some signs to look for include:

• Avoiding school. A child may suddenly invent mysterious illnesses or stomach aches to avoid school.
• Changing behavior. A child may react to being bullied in many ways. Some children become withdrawn or moody, while others become overly aggressive or violent.
• Showing pain. Bruises and scratches may be a sign a child has been bullied, but these can be common in active youngsters. Parents and caregivers should pay close attention to a pattern of bruises that the child can't explain.
• Losing possessions. If a child starts mysteriously misplacing his or her favorite toys, he or she could be the victim of a bullying. Bullies will sometimes intimidate their victims into handing over their belongings.

www.mikebogdanski.com www.anti-bully.org