“An Attitude of Gratitude”

 

My New Year tip to readers is to do something for someone else.

I love the quote from motivational speaker Zig Ziglar who famously said, "You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want."

Overall, acts of kindness benefit both your mental and physical well-being. I know some of you are saying, "Mike, I am too busy, too stressed, too overworked, and overwhelmed." How can I help others when I can barely help myself? We can look to the late President Jimmy Carter. He served as president of the US and then quietly faded into the background, but he and his wife went on for decades to serve others. 

Why? When you do something nice for someone, your body experiences several positive mental and physical benefits:

Random acts of kindness release serotonin (which improves mood), dopamine (which creates a sense of pleasure), and endorphins (which reduce pain and stress). Being kind can lower cortisol levels, your stress hormone, making you feel calm and relaxed. Helping others can release oxytocin, which benefits your heart by reducing blood pressure and inflammation. Positive emotional states from being kind can strengthen your immune system, making your body less prone to illness. Doesn’t that sound great?

You start making your community a better place as one kind person with one kind act. Kindness can have a ripple effect, starting with one person at a time and one town at a time, by helping you focus on positive situations and giving you an opportunity to bring good to the world even when times are difficult or challenging. The way I spell love is t-i-m-e. You don't have to give money; you can just contribute your time and energy to make things better in our little quiet corner.

How? 

Donate food, toys, or books. Volunteer to serve food at a homeless shelter or the Veteran’s Coffeehouse. Leave an extra tip at your local restaurant. Drop off a meal to a family with a new baby or who just experienced a huge personal loss. Doing something to improve someone else’s day, for no good reason, will enrich your day exponentially.

Where?

There are many local places where you can help. I will begin by saying I love this quote, “Act local, think globally,” to mentally set your course. My suggestions include TEEG, Interfaith Human Services of Putnam(food donations, diaper bank, fuel, and more), the Putnam Resource Center, volunteering for your local historical society, and local boards (zoning, economic development, wetlands, etc.) or even shoveling the snow off a neighbor’s sidewalk. There are many opportunities to lift up our neighbors and our towns.

Trust me. I could share study after study about how helping someone else improves people’s moods more than getting a gift themselves, but I know this from personal experience. While running my business, I decided to do a community project and raised a few thousand dollars for Paul Newman’s Hole In The Wall camp in Eastford. When I met with the staff, they showed me the million-dollar contributions that the camp had received. Even though they appreciated the donation, it felt like a drop in the bucket to this internationally funded group. It was then I decided to do something more local. I had a very good friend who struggled with drugs, so I thought supporting local children through D.A.R.E programs might be a better choice. All the money stayed local, and each school could receive money from the generous contributions of local businesses and people in our towns. To me, it was a win-win for our kids. I felt that if drugs started to ruin my friend's life, they could destroy anyone, and I was a person who could help.

Since retiring, I have had more time to give back to the community, and I absolutely love it. I am happiest when I help others. I love being busy and giving my time, advice, and experience to others. I have always tried to pass on the philosophy of having “an attitude of gratitude.” 

My favorite quote for the new year is, “If you want to touch the past, touch a rock. If you want to touch the present, touch a flower. If you want to touch the future, touch a life.”

—AUTHOR UNKNOWN

President Carter recently passed away at age one hundred. For years after his presidency, he served his community with grace, humility, compassion, dignity, courage, and love. Let’s be like Jimmy; together, we can lift up the world.

P.S. - I am helping to organize a celebrity bartender fundraiser for Interfaith Human Services of Putnam (daily bread/diaper bank/fuel assistance) on February 20 at Montana Nights Axe Throwing in Putnam from 5:30-8 pm if you want to kick off your generosity and have lots of fun. Hope to see you there!

Mike Bogdanski

Mike is a martial arts Grandmaster and anti-bully activist.

Managing Anxiety in Kids: Tools for a Calmer Childhood

Kids that have stress problems.  Children that can't sleep. How can kids get stressed out? They only have to play and go to school, so what could cause them stress? Plenty, it seems.

Teachers and parents have reported stressed-out kids in record numbers. According to the CDC, 10% of children ages 3–17 have anxiety, 7% have behavior disorders, and 4% have depression. These conditions often occur together, with 37% of children with a mental health condition having two or more. Toxic stress can result from multiple factors, leading to changes in brain circuitry that negatively affect a child’s physical and mental health. I would like to provide parents with tools to help children manage anxiety and build emotional strength.

Anxiety in children presents itself as a feeling of worry or fear that can cause problems in everyday life. A little anxiety is normal in certain situations, like rushing to get ready after getting up late for a school day or a new situation that a child has never encountered. Changes at home may cause stress like losing a family member, divorce, or moving to a new town.

You can see the signs of stress manifest themselves in several ways.  Sleepless nights, headaches, stomachaches, and bad dreams can indicate an emotional strain.  Kids and their parents may have a difficult time seeing that these negative symptoms are related to stress.

Healthy anxiety or anxiety disorder?

Healthy anxiety may keep you safe. When kids encounter a new situation they may need time to get used to it. Healthy stress is staying away from the edge of a roof.  We all have built in safety mechanisms that enable us to be cautious.  As a person who studies the psychology of fear and building courage, I recommend a great book called “The Gift Of Fear” by Gavin Debecker which tells us our intuition should not be disregarded and very well might keep us safe. 

The summer before seventh grade, my parents moved us to a new town where I was enrolled into 7th grade. Being at a new middle school can be scary enough, but being in a completely new environment, it was crazy stressful for me. I was mad at my parents, I had no friends and no bridge to my new neighborhood.  I did not know one person in my new school and my anxiety was sky high. Most of the kids that arrived had known each other since kindergarten and I knew I would never fit in (but eventually I did!).

Bad Stress. Addressing anxiety early helps in the development of emotional intelligence and teaches coping skills. There are 4 main types of anxiety disorders:

• Separation Anxiety Disorder
• Social Anxiety Disorder
• Selective Mutism (fear of speaking to certain people)
• Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Some events that trigger anxiety could be some of the following: going to school, going to other kids’ houses for playdates, sleepovers, and falling asleep alone at night. 

What can happen to kids when stress and anxiety become overwhelming?  Several behavior disorders may surface, for example, withdrawal from certain activities, emotional outbursts, and even wanting to skip school.  It's up to parents to get to the root of what kicks off the stress.  Seek out the triggers so you can address it head on.

Here are some great tools that may help reduce anxiety.  There is no one single magic cure that will make it just disappear.

Connect with your kid. Make a comfortable judgment-free place for conversation and even share some of your own experiences as well.  Make sure it is quiet, with no TV, and no electronic devices allowed. Use active listening skills like “When you say that (topic) it sounds like you are very upset about it”. Help clarify the feelings and help the child know you empathize with them.

Breathing. When anxiety explodes in you, your breathing becomes short and fast, and your heart rate and blood pressure rise.  A long, slow breath, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth is essential in bringing your heart rate lower and reducing stress and anxiety.  In self-defense encounters for martial artists, the military and police rely on this breathing process to manage stress.  Teaching your kids how to have an emotional time out is a great skill.

Visualization. Teach your kids how to visualize a positive outcome, not doom and gloom.  Train your brain.

Routines equals predictability.  Having routines makes us feel in control of our lives, keeping our minds more centered and peaceful.

Watch what you watch.  There are so many acts of violence these days in TV, movies and video games that its easy to see children uneasy and uncomfortable.

Celebrate even small victories

Give kids a chance to work through it.  It’s a journey not a destination. It’s about baby steps. How many times would you let a toddler fail when it was trying to walk?  It’s the same here.  In many cases anxiety can be manageable with these techniques.

Mike Bogdanski 

Mikebogdanski.com

P.S the book "The Anxious Generation" is highly recommended reading for parents due to its insights in rising levels of anxiety in today's kids.