Talk To Your Kids About Bullies

Talking to your child about school bullies is an essential conversation as the new school year begins. For elementary and middle school-aged children, navigating social interactions can be challenging, and understanding how to handle bullying is crucial for their emotional well-being. Here’s how you can approach this sensitive topic.

1. Create a Safe Space for Conversation:

Start by establishing a safe and open environment where your child feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. During a quiet moment, such as after dinner, when your child is more likely to open up. Begin the conversation by asking general questions about their day at school, such as who they spent time with or what they enjoyed. A good way to start is by asking what was great today and then moving into what was bad today. Gradually steer the conversation toward friendships and peer interactions, making it clear that they can talk to you about anything, including uncomfortable situations.  It might be good to share a personal story from your youth.

2. Define Bullying Clearly:

It’s important to ensure your child understands what bullying is. Explain that bullying can take many forms—physical, verbal, or social—and can occur in person or online. Give age-appropriate examples, such as name-calling, spreading rumors, exclusion from groups, or physical aggression. Emphasize that bullying is repeated behavior intended to hurt someone, which is never the victim's fault.  Sometimes it’s not easy to see the bullying going on.

3. Point Out Real-Life Examples:

To help your child recognize bullying, point out situations you might witness daily. Whether it’s something you see while walking down the street, in a store, or even on television, use these moments as teaching opportunities. For example, if you see children being unkind to each other at a park, gently discuss what you observed with your child and ask how they think the victim might feel. These real-life examples make the concept of bullying more real and help your child to better understand and see similar situations they might encounter at school.

4. Encourage Empathy and Kindness:

Teach your child the importance of empathy by encouraging them to think about how others might feel. Discuss the value of being kind and standing up for peers who bullies may target. Role-playing scenarios can be a helpful way to practice responses to bullying, whether your child witnesses it or experiences it themselves. Reinforce the idea that everyone deserves to feel safe and respected at school.

5. Empower Them with Strategies:

Equip your child with strategies to deal with bullies. Encourage them to stay calm, assertively tell the bully to stop, and walk away if possible.  One of the best skills you can practice is teaching your child to stand assertively, hands open, make good eye contact, and if feeling physically threatened, strongly repeat “Back away”!  This skill can be practiced daily almost like a game until it is embedded in your child.

Emphasize the importance of seeking help from a trusted adult, such as a teacher, school counselor, or trusted adult, if they feel threatened or uncomfortable. Let them know that reporting bullying is not tattling; it’s the responsible way to protect themselves and others. If they don’t help stop bullies, the terror tactics will just continue.

6. Stay Involved and Follow Up:

Maintain an ongoing conversation about your child’s experiences at school. Regularly check in to see how they are doing and if they have encountered any bullying.   To personalize an experience, share your bullying memories and how you dealt with it.  

Stay in touch with teachers and school staff to monitor any problem situation and ensure that your child feels supported. Your involvement can make a significant difference in helping your child navigate bullying effectively.

By keeping communication open, educating your child about bullying, and equipping them with the tools to handle difficult situations, you can help them feel more confident and secure as they navigate the school's social landscape. 

 These tips will help by addressing bullying before it happens.

Mike Bogdanski is a martial arts Grandmaster and Anti-bully activist.

Mikebogdanski.com

Empowering Strategies for Kids Bullied on the Bus

 

Empowering Strategies for Kids Bullied on the Bus

A five-year-old we know often complains of being bullied and harassed on the bus along with other children. The bullies on a school bus have a captive audience, including a driver who is focused on the road. I have a few tips for dealing with bullying on the school bus. Now that your child is in a contained environment with a ride that can last up to 30 minutes and longer, with very little supervision, you can see why buses are one of the top places where bullying takes place. Being bullied on the school bus is a scary experience for children, impacting their emotional well-being and overall school experience. To help empower kids facing this challenge, here are four effective strategies they can employ:

Confidence Building:

1. One of the most powerful weapons against bullying is self-confidence. Encourage your child when entering the bus to stand tall, make eye contact, and project confidence. Bullies often target those they perceive as vulnerable, and a confident demeanor can deter potential aggressors.  Over sixty percent of communication is nonverbal and, practicing assertive body language, and having a warrior face (if needed) can help your child feel more in control and less susceptible to intimidation.  Like any other skill, this needs rehearsal as a tool against bullies who are looking to make intimidation their game.  Even small people can have a “you can’t defeat me” attitude.  

Establish Support Networks:

2. Creating a support network can significantly help a child facing bullying. Encourage your child to identify friends or peers on the bus who may be experiencing similar challenges. Strength lies in numbers, and having allies can provide emotional support and deter bullies. Many years ago we had a similar situation with a kindergarten karate student.  We had a black-belt eighth grader on the same bus who addressed the bullies—no more problems.  When a bystander sticks up for a child being bullied, the bullying stops in thirty seconds or less, over 80 percent of the time. 

Communication with school staff and teachers ensures that adults know the situation and must intervene appropriately.  Telling the bus driver is not being a tattle-tale, it is reporting a breach of school policy.  Establishing a sense of teamwork with friends both on the bus and within the school environment reinforces the idea that no one should endure bullying alone and yes sometimes we may need a bodyguard. 

Utilize Technological Tools:

3. Technology can be a powerful ally in combating bullying in the digital age. Encourage older children to use their smartphones (if they are old enough) to discreetly document instances of bullying through photos, videos, or voice recordings. This evidence can be crucial when reporting incidents to school authorities, providing concrete proof of the behavior. Additionally, there are various safety apps available that allow children to send distress signals or share their location with trusted contacts in real-time. These tools can empower kids to take control of their safety and find help when needed.

Develop Conflict Resolution Skills:

4. Teaching children effective conflict resolution skills equips them to handle bullying situations with poise and intelligence. Encourage your child to practice assertive communication, express their feelings, and set boundaries calmly. Role-playing scenarios and teaching a child to remain calm with long slow breaths are helpful.  Saying “back away” with a strong voice and good eye contact is the million-dollar defense. Rehearsing this with your children will make them feel more prepared and confident in addressing bullying situations. Also, teaching empathy to your child, allows them to be an upstander instead of a bystander fosters a “no bullying”  community, and promotes a positive and inclusive environment on the bus.

Encourage your child to practice positive self-talk. Make sure they know they have your support and that you are always available to listen. Finally, remind them that they are strong and can stand up for themselves if needed.

By implementing these strategies, children can develop the resilience and skills needed to navigate the challenges of being bullied or watching bullying on the bus. Empowering them to build confidence, establish support networks, leverage technology responsibly, and develop conflict resolution skills will contribute to a safer and more positive school bus experience.  There is no easy solution to this problem.

Mike Bogdanski 

America’s Anti-bully

Four Steps to Bully-Proof Your Child This September

As the back-to-school season approaches, parents naturally want to ensure their children have a safe and positive experience at school. Bullying remains a concerning issue, but taking proactive steps can help safeguard your child from these types of incidents. Here are four essential steps to help "bully-proof" your child as they head back to school this September.

Open Communication: Start by encouraging an open line of communication with your child. Encourage them to share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns about school. Regular conversations can provide insight into their social interactions and alert you to any potential issues. By building a strong foundation of trust, your child will be more likely to confide in you if they encounter bullying.  Make sure to teach them to identify the three types of bullying, physical, verbal, and social (exclusion) bullying.

Teach Confidence and Assertiveness: Confidence is a powerful tool against bullying. Help your child develop a strong sense of self-worth and teach them how to assertively communicate their boundaries. Role-playing scenarios can help them practice responding confidently to teasing or intimidation, which can deter and deflect bullies from targeting them.  They only need one scripted sentence that they can practice over and over again, a strong ”Back away!” really does the trick.  This needs to be combined with good eye contact and an assertive posture.  Confident kids don’t get picked on.

Educate About Empathy: Empathy is a key aspect of preventing bullying. Teach your child to understand the feelings and perspectives of others. This can help them develop compassion and avoid becoming a bully themselves. Encouraging empathy creates a more inclusive and supportive school environment.  Please teach them to stick up for others.

Build a Support Network: Encourage your child to establish connections with peers who share their interests and values. A solid support network of friends can offer protection against bullies and provide a sense of belonging. Teamwork makes the dream work.  Even if they just have one other friend they can depend on each other for support.  

 Additionally, maintain strong communication with your child's teachers and school staff to stay informed about any potential issues.

In conclusion, creating a safe and bully-free school experience for your child requires a proactive approach. By encouraging open communication, teaching confidence and empathy, and building a strong support network, you empower your child to handle difficult situations and foster a positive school environment. This September, let's work together to equip our children with the tools they need to thrive socially and emotionally throughout the school year.

Take the advice of someone who was painfully shy.  Martial arts training built my confidence exponentially.

Mike Bogdanski

Mike is an anti-bully activist and karate Grandmaster 

My friend Scotty

 

Scotty 

A few years ago I attended the World cup, a prestigious martial arts tournament held in Hungary. A large group from the U.S.A. attended including some physically and mentally challenged students. We trained for several months and were looking forward to visiting Europe. I chatted with many of the people on the team. The group had a lot of age ranges including children, teens and adults into their fifties. There was a big group of teens flying over with us. 

One boy in particular I had met before and his name is Scotty. Scotty was one of the challenged members. He suffered from spina bifida as a child and used crutches to make his way around. His balance was very compromised and his legs had very little strength but he had the heart and courage of a lion. Scotty is a Black Belt. Maybe not a Black belt in the traditional sense, but for a person with his means he knew all the requirements as well as a person with his challenges could. This kid was an absolute charmer. His personality was all sunshine and people were attracted to his charm and outgoing attitude. As we got to know Scotty better we began to see him more from the inside than from the outside. 

At the tournament Scotty was going to perform in a category called forms where a person is judged on power, speed, and balance as they execute kicks, punches and blocks in a choreographed individual routine. Scotty, who boldly entered in a teen category, fared not too well. Teenagers with strong bodies were tough competition and Scotty didn’t come close to winning a medal. During the course of the day his American teammates did well and Scotty was the first one there to congratulate them. He shared in the excitement of other teammates victory even though he hadn’t been able to win anything himself. Later that afternoon there was another division for the teenage Black Belts to compete in. 

The self defense division was a competition where an individual would defend himself against an attacker. The same standards were required as before, speed, power and balance. Scotty had passed on competing in a handicap division, saying, “That was for people with real challenges”! The division was under way and Scotty was ready. There were many other contests going on in the auditorium but when Scotty went up it seemed that everyone stopped what they were doing to watch. Here Scotty went, awkwardly walking up to the judges to introduced himself and his partner. The judges nodded with approval signifying that it was all right to step back and begin. As Scotty and his partner began I saw a change. 

Scotty stood a little straighter, his eyes became as focused as a laser beam, his face was deadly serious and then the attacker came at him. A punch was launched at his face and he used a crutch to block it away and then turned it into a strike doubling his opponent over. The audience just gasped! The attacker rose again and again but the deft strokes of Scotty’s crutches blocked and struck again with unerring precision. After about a minute of constant attacks Scotty’s finalized his defense by sweeping his attackers legs out from under him and pinned him to the ground with a crutch.

 Silence, not a word or sound from any one. Then it began. Clapping. More clapping. Then a thunderous roar of clapping resounded from the rafters. All the Black Belt teenagers in his competition ran over and started hugging Scotty like a long lost brother. The kids hoisted him up onto their shoulders and paraded him around like he was Babe Ruth hitting a homerun to win the world series. The applause went on for fifteen minutes straight. 

That weekend we got to hang around with the World Cup Black Belt self defense gold medalist. We called him Champ but he said we could call him Scotty.

The Luke Story

I often get emails from people that have been targeted by bullies.  I wanted to share the story of a courageous young man.


I know you are probably wondering who I am and why I am writing to you. My name is Luke Nelson and I am a 24 year old from Southwest MN living in a small town named Balaton. I am writing to you to share a miracle story in hopes of changing many people’s lives.

While I was in my mother’s womb I had a blot clot in my brain that was cutting off the blood flow to my cerebellum. When I was born there was 1/3 of my cerebellum missing due to the clot and the chance of survival was minimal. Miraculously, I lived through birth but the doctors still had doubt on their minds. I was told that I would never live a normal life. I wouldn’t be able to walk without bumping into things, ride a bike, attend a normal school and so on. Overcoming the doctor’s expectations, I surpassed their doubts and many more. The only result from the clot is that I bob my head, which was the start to the teasing and bullying.

All my life I have been laughed at because I bob my head. I remember being at a cross-country meets and other runners would point and laugh because I was bobbing my head when I was running. The one that hurt the most was in Mexico on a Missions trip and a little girl was laughing and bobbing her head along with me. I know she was young and didn’t know any better but something about being in another country having a little girl point and laugh got to me.

I hear and see about kids and even adults getting bullied and it hurts me. Not only does it hurt me but I know the pain they are going through. Not that long ago in a town close to mine, two girls committed suicide because of bullying. This not only hurt me but the whole town. These two girls had there whole lives to live but decided to end it because a couple of kids where bullying them.
Through my life of being bullied and seeing a lot of other victims, it has made me realize my purpose in life. That is to help everyone I can that is going through the same thing as I did because I know how it feels and know it is impossible to get through it alone. Once I shared this story to a women whose son was going through the same things I went through. The impact of the story gave her so much hope for her son and that is my dream, to give hope to thousands.

If you or you know of anyone that could help get this out I would be so grateful! It hurts me so much to see and hear of kids and adults getting bullied because I know the hurt and pain that it can cause. I just want everyone to know there is a hope and they are not alone. If you would contact me to let me know that this was received that would be great. My e-mail is luke_nelson_228@hotmail.com.

Thank for your time and God Bless,
Luke Nelson

Luke, you inspire me!  Tell everyone you meet your story so together we make a difference in the world.  Our mission - ANTI Bullying.

Your friend,

Mike Bogdanski

The Called Him Pork Chop

Canadian poet Shane Koyczan, best known for his spoken word performance at the opening ceremony of the 2010 Vancouver Olympics, has scored a viral hit with his anti-bullying video, Pork Chop.
An animated, poetic take on bullying and how it affects the lives of children and adults, the seven and a half minute video posted on February 19 has already received more 1.1 million hits and thousands of comments. It is part of the anti-bullying campaigner’s To This Day Project.

Mike

America's ANTI Bully