Tuesday, October 23, 2007

A Woman's Perspective

I wanted to pass on this story that has the female slant to bullying.

It's become the silent emotional killer among women. Women who are downright mean, malicious and disrespectful with each other. This trend is creating havoc in our relationships with each other, for it strikes the core of sisterhood. Real sisterhood can only exist when respect and trust stand unshakeable. In this particular, most men are quite opposite to us. For a man, a brother is a brother is a brother.

However, what is most disturbing about our malicious ways is that we are passing on a legacy of a broken sisterhood to our daughters. Girls that are mean and catty are usually this way because their understanding is that this is a normal part of femaleness. They grow up to become mean and catty women who perpetuate a diseased sisterhood.

To break this cycle we each need to make a conscious effort to validate all women. Be they our friends or not. Otherwise, we will continue to find ourselves moving within circles of female hostility, suspicion, and pain. Here is my list of the most detestable practices that we need to discontinue in order to heal our sisterhood:

Talking about each other - You are really not her friend if what you have to say about her is so bad you can't say it in front of her. If you are a real friend you should be able to tell her your concerns for her life to her face. If you have the need to tell others, but you haven't found the time to tell her – red lights should be flashing. Believe it or not, gossiping is not an intrinsic part of being female. Women who gossip do it not because it's a woman-thing, but because they want to elevate themselves and put other women in a place of inferiority. Gossiping is just another symptom of deeper insecurities.

2. Fighting for men
– One of the most undignified things that any woman can do is to fight, argue, or curse another woman over a man. It's a disgusting trend that used to be a school girl thing, but today adult women are doing it too. If both of you are in conflict - because his choice is not clear - then that means that he's really not into any of you. He's probably playing both of you. That man really does not deserve love or attention from either one of you. Let him go.

Joining female gangs – Women who make you feel unwelcome and unwanted within their circle of friends are not to be trusted. Women cliques have become common in the workplace, at church, in the neighborhood. Cliques are the dwelling place of insecure women. Women who join cliques are seeking refuge from their own lack of confidence by cocooning themselves within this circle of supposed exclusivity. Again, the need to belong to, or be part of a clique is also a sign of deeper insecurities. Beware, cliques are usually encouraged and thrive on a type of gang mentality.

Undermining each other – Beware of any woman who can never celebrate your accomplishments with you. It could be a new boyfriend, a promotion, an award, a new job, a new acquisition, weight loss. If she has nothing positive to say to you about it, does not show emotional support, or chooses to remain silent she is not a true friend. Real friends know how to recognize and genuinely rejoice for our successes with pride.

Competing against each other – You need to get this straight. There will always be another woman with nicer hair, a more caring husband or boyfriend, better behaved children, a better paying job, a bigger house, a more fashionable wardrobe – there will always be some woman with more of what you don't have. Consequently, the only person that you need to compete against is yourself. Strive to be the best that you can be - for you. Competing against other women to prove yourself superior is a financial and emotional drainer. Because of this mindless competition we become mean, envious and hypocritical. It is pointless.

Disrespecting boundaries – To survive peacefully every relationship and every friendship must have clear boundaries. Good relationships operate within margins of respect. Within this level of respect, privacy and intimacy are keywords. Yes, you are my friend, but that doesn't give me the right to walk into your bedroom or your kitchen, unbeknownst to you, and help myself to your stuff. I don't do this not because you won't allow me to, but because I respect your privacy and your things. Consequently, we both need to know and respect each other's levels of privacy and intimacy.

7. Crossing boundaries
– This is similar to the above, the only difference is that my respect of your boundaries should never depend on my friendship with you. We need to respect women for the simple fact that they are women. If she is a woman she is a sister. Period. Therefore, from that understanding I will have the utmost respect for her children, her man, her opinions, her choices, and for her as a person. It amazes me how women are quick to disrespect another sister's boundaries, but feel offended if another woman does to them the same exact thing. Honestly, that type of inconsistent behavior can only be credited to some form of mental illness.

8. Exploiting our friendships
– This is a major one. Why are you friends? Do you only remember her being around whenever she could get something from you? It doesn't even have to be material. It could just be your time or your positive energy. Does she happen to be always on the receiving side, with you dishing out ton loads of yourself or your stuff? Or is she your friend because of what you represent? It could be that your husband's position or yours, your possessions, your talent, whatever, represents some form of achievement. Is she a friend because that link to you places her on a higher platform? In a real friendship appreciation, support, and loyalty must be reciprocal

By Norka Blackman-Richards | Circle Sister

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Saturday, October 20, 2007

Olweus Bully Criteria

Bullying is characterized by the following three criteria.

1. Is it aggressive behavior or intentional "harmdoing"
2. Is it carried out repeatedly and over time, and
3. It occurs within an interpersonal relationship characterized
by an imbalance of power.

Is Your Child A Victim?

How can I tell if my child is a victim of bullying?

Ideally, a child will tell an authority figure if he or she is in danger, but some children may be embarrassed or feel weak by admitting to being the victim of a bully. Also, the effects of bullying aren't always as obvious as a black eye. Some signs to look for include:

  • Avoiding school. A child may suddenly invent mysterious illnesses or stomach aches to avoid school.
  • Changing behavior. A child may react to being bullied in many ways. Some children become withdrawn or moody, while others become overly aggressive or violent.
  • Showing pain. Bruises and scratches may be a sign a child has been bullied, but these can be common in active youngsters. Parents and caregivers should pay close attention to a pattern of bruises that the child can't explain.
  • Losing possessions. If a child starts mysteriously misplacing his or her favorite toys, he or she could be the victim of a bullying. Bullies will sometimes intimidate their victims into handing over their belongings.
www.mikebogdanski.com www.anti-bully.org

Friday, October 19, 2007

It's Not Funny

Bullying Isn't Funny.

Somewhere, sometime in life, humiliation became a form of entertainment. You have watched reality TV, it's mainstream in our society. The misfortune of others has become the fortunes of the TV industry. We have lost our empathy and compassion and feel compelled to laugh along with everyone else.

Experts have shown our response to others suffering is a learned behavior. Watching television as an electronic medium is not just a source of entertainment. With technology everywhere, internet, cell phones, computers and other electronics kids have a window to the world and so do bullies.

Cyberbullying now includes not only emailed harassment, but also threats and abuse posts on popular websites like MySpace, FaceBook, and Friendster. One video of a recent bullying incident on Long Island was viewed on YouTube around the world.

These incidents can't be dismissed merely as evidence that "kids will be kids or boys will be boys." (Girls are bullies, too. The Long Island video recorded a beating of a girl, by three girls.) Bullying behavior, unchecked and with out the proper education invites disaster. Humiliation (bullying) has provoked suicides in its victims, and worse, like Columbine High School in Colorado, where two bullied outcasts killed themselves, but only after killing 12 other students and a teacher.

Bullying in any form has long term effects on bystanders, victims and bullies. I know because I was a victim of bulling.

Dedicated to reducing bullying everywhere,

Mike Bogdanski, M.S.

"America's ANTI Bully Solution"
Help Everyone Respect Others, an anti bully program that will touch the minds and hearts of your students.

Cyberbullying Is On The Rise

The internet is a great way to get connected but it allows room for dangerous situations.

Cyber bullying is the new bathroom wall.

Research indicates cyber bullying is happening more and more.

According to the Karmon Institute study;
-20% to 50% percent of junior high and high school students said they have been bullied online.
-In 2000 6% of students said they were bullied.
-Less than 20% told their parents about it.

Parents, teachers and friends need to teach kids to watch out online. Predators and bullies are using this as a tool to reach the world.

Dedicated to reducing bullying everywhere,

Mike Bogdanski, M.S.

"America's ANTI Bully Solution"
Help Everyone Respect Others, an anti bully program that will touch the minds and hearts of your students.

Toll free 1.877.208.6176
cell 860.315.0205

Back To School ANTI Bully Tips

"When Your Child Is Bullied"

(It's not a question of if, just when)

Help your child respond by:
1. Appearing confident (fake it til you make it)
Look the bully in the eye, stand tall and confident. Remember, true courage is not the absence of fear, but having fear and taking action anyway.

2. Stand calm. Inside the turmoil of a hurricane, there is calm.
3. Walk away.

Teach your child an assertive voice. Practice saying;
"Please do NOT talk to me like that."
Teach your child when and how to ask for help.
(Excuse me, I am scared. Can you help me?)
Encourage your child to ask friends for help.

Pick an activity that can challenge your child but that will give them
confidence by having success at it.
Notify school officials, ask them for help.
Make sure a teacher, trusted adult or trusted/mature older child can watch out for your child's safety when you cannot be there.

"When Your Child Is A Bystander"

The bystanders need to feel a moral obligation to come to the aid
of a person being bullied.
Tell your child not to cheer on or even quietly watch bullying.
Encourage your child to tell a trusted adult about the bullying.

Help your child support and aid other children who may be bullied.
Encourage your child to include bullied children in play.
Most importantly, encourage your child to join others in telling bullies to stop.

Dedicated to reducing bullying everywhere,

Mike Bogdanski, M.S.

"America's ANTI Bully Solution"
Help Everyone Respect Others, an anti bully program that will touch the minds and hearts of your students.
Reproduction with credit.

Toll free 1.877.208.6176
cell 860.315.0205

Monday, October 1, 2007

Does Aggression Pay?

I know that being passive is like a lure to bullies, but I thought being aggressive was a turnoff for most people. Leading psychologists are now reporting that aggressive qualities make kids popular.

Research indicates that aggression is linked with being perceived as "popular." Psychologists used to simply ask students how much they liked other classmates. Recently, they also ask students which of their classmates are "popular"--and the two measures don't necessarily match up. It was found that seventh through ninth-graders perceived their relationally aggressive classmates to be more popular than meeker students. Is this leadership or just a mild form of bullying?

Relational aggression- the new buzzword of bullying.