Rising to the ocassion.

 

Telling is Not Tattling

Telling is Not Tattling
 

 

Kids and Mental Health

With the days of being stuck at home and attending school on zoom behind us, the mental health of our children is still very important.  School is still tough on a good day but nearly impossible on days when kids might be getting bullied.

Let’s define bullying so we can assess what we are looking at.  Bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior that involves a person with a real or a perceived power imbalance.  We can all look back at a time in our lives when we experienced bullying.  

Physical bullying is the easiest to see, pushing, shoving, and hitting.  Verbal bullying consists of name-calling, threats, and harassment.  Social bullying is harder to notice, the rumors, the gossip, and being excluded. Now,  it can be compounded by the huge access to technology. Before the days of being digitally connected bullying stopped when kids left school. . Today it follows them everywhere.  Texts, social media, online gaming, and anywhere online where kids gather,  are opportunities for bullies to seek out targets.  Our children need to be taught about these different types of bullying and know they are wrong. 

The effects on a child’s mental health can cause feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, anxiety, and severe depression.  Being beat up (because it happened to me) can make children suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome and scar a person for decades.  Personally, I remember the bad dreams, the headaches, the stomachaches, and the general fear of leaving the house.  The emotional upset is world-changing and does not just go away.  Even witnessing bullying can affect the observers and have a detrimental effect on their well-being.

Bullying can change a child for a lifetime. If bullied at a young age, while going through different developmental stages, a child can be stuck at a point where they fear anything new. Being bullied leaves footprints of anger on a child’s psyche, creating anger at the bullies and developing self-loathing because they could not stand up for themselves.  Thinking thoughts like, why am I so stupid, or so fat, or so ugly affirms to them they deserve to be bullied. 

As an instructor of martial arts as well as a former school counselor I recommend a strong emphasis on the mind and body connection.  I have preached for decades that with a strong body comes a strong mind. The solution- we need to get our kids moving.  The best way is a structured and timed event like a 45-minute karate class or a game of soccer or basketball with a few friends.  It does not need to be competitive because then someone needs to lose. The real benefit is the ability to practice a skill that is fun and gets circulation and movement, especially through the brain!

Let's not allow our kids to wallow in self-pity.  Remember, pushing our kids to be successful is not something we do to kids, it is what we do for kids.

Mike Bogdanski is a martial arts Grandmaster and holds degrees in psychology and counseling

Bullying and mental health

 

With the days of being stuck at home and attending school on zoom behind us, the mental health of our children is still very important.  School is still tough on a good day but nearly impossible on days when kids might be getting bullied.

Let’s define bullying so we can assess what we are looking at.  Bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior that involves a person with a real or a perceived power imbalance.  We can all look back at a time in our lives when we experienced bullying.  

Physical bullying is the easiest to see, pushing, shoving, and hitting.  Verbal bullying consists of name-calling, threats, and harassment.  Social bullying is harder to notice, the rumors, the gossip, and being excluded. Now,  it can be compounded by the huge access to technology. Before the days of being digitally connected bullying stopped when kids left school. . Today it follows them everywhere.  Texts, social media, online gaming, and anywhere online where kids gather,  are opportunities for bullies to seek out targets.  Our children need to be taught about these different types of bullying and know they are wrong. 

The effects on a child’s mental health can cause feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, anxiety, and severe depression.  Being beat up (because it happened to me) can make children suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome and scar a person for decades.  Personally, I remember the bad dreams, the headaches, the stomachaches, and the general fear of leaving the house.  The emotional upset is world-changing and does not just go away.  Even witnessing bullying can affect the observers and have a detrimental effect on their well-being.

Bullying can change a child for a lifetime. If bullied at a young age, while going through different developmental stages, a child can be stuck at a point where they fear anything new. Being bullied leaves footprints of anger on a child’s psyche, creating anger at the bullies and developing self-loathing because they could not stand up for themselves.  Thinking thoughts like, why am I so stupid, or so fat, or so ugly affirms to them they deserve to be bullied. 

As an instructor of martial arts as well as a former school counselor I recommend a strong emphasis on the mind and body connection.  I have preached for decades that with a strong body comes a strong mind. The solution- we need to get our kids moving.  The best way is a structured and timed event like a 45-minute karate class or a game of soccer or basketball with a few friends.  It does not need to be competitive because then someone needs to lose. The real benefit is the ability to practice a skill that is fun and gets circulation and movement, especially through the brain!

Let's not allow our kids to wallow in self-pity.  Remember, pushing our kids to be successful is not something we do to kids, it is what we do for kids.

Mike Bogdanski is a martial arts Grandmaster and holds degrees in psychology and counselingmental health kid image

My friend Scotty

 

Scotty 

A few years ago I attended the World cup, a prestigious martial arts tournament held in Hungary. A large group from the U.S.A. attended including some physically and mentally challenged students. We trained for several months and were looking forward to visiting Europe. I chatted with many of the people on the team. The group had a lot of age ranges including children, teens and adults into their fifties. There was a big group of teens flying over with us. 

One boy in particular I had met before and his name is Scotty. Scotty was one of the challenged members. He suffered from spina bifida as a child and used crutches to make his way around. His balance was very compromised and his legs had very little strength but he had the heart and courage of a lion. Scotty is a Black Belt. Maybe not a Black belt in the traditional sense, but for a person with his means he knew all the requirements as well as a person with his challenges could. This kid was an absolute charmer. His personality was all sunshine and people were attracted to his charm and outgoing attitude. As we got to know Scotty better we began to see him more from the inside than from the outside. 

At the tournament Scotty was going to perform in a category called forms where a person is judged on power, speed, and balance as they execute kicks, punches and blocks in a choreographed individual routine. Scotty, who boldly entered in a teen category, fared not too well. Teenagers with strong bodies were tough competition and Scotty didn’t come close to winning a medal. During the course of the day his American teammates did well and Scotty was the first one there to congratulate them. He shared in the excitement of other teammates victory even though he hadn’t been able to win anything himself. Later that afternoon there was another division for the teenage Black Belts to compete in. 

The self defense division was a competition where an individual would defend himself against an attacker. The same standards were required as before, speed, power and balance. Scotty had passed on competing in a handicap division, saying, “That was for people with real challenges”! The division was under way and Scotty was ready. There were many other contests going on in the auditorium but when Scotty went up it seemed that everyone stopped what they were doing to watch. Here Scotty went, awkwardly walking up to the judges to introduced himself and his partner. The judges nodded with approval signifying that it was all right to step back and begin. As Scotty and his partner began I saw a change. 

Scotty stood a little straighter, his eyes became as focused as a laser beam, his face was deadly serious and then the attacker came at him. A punch was launched at his face and he used a crutch to block it away and then turned it into a strike doubling his opponent over. The audience just gasped! The attacker rose again and again but the deft strokes of Scotty’s crutches blocked and struck again with unerring precision. After about a minute of constant attacks Scotty’s finalized his defense by sweeping his attackers legs out from under him and pinned him to the ground with a crutch.

 Silence, not a word or sound from any one. Then it began. Clapping. More clapping. Then a thunderous roar of clapping resounded from the rafters. All the Black Belt teenagers in his competition ran over and started hugging Scotty like a long lost brother. The kids hoisted him up onto their shoulders and paraded him around like he was Babe Ruth hitting a homerun to win the world series. The applause went on for fifteen minutes straight. 

That weekend we got to hang around with the World Cup Black Belt self defense gold medalist. We called him Champ but he said we could call him Scotty.

School emotions- Anxiety or excitement?

School emotions-

Anxiety or excitement?

School emotions- Anxiety or excitement?

 

Each fall I like to think about how students prepare for a return to school. Each child may have a little apprehension to return due to classes with zoom, first-day jitters, or the pandemic.  I do think students from last year’s virtual classroom are excited to return after a zoom year away and summer vacation, but there is more to consider.

Social situations at home while students were zooming were much less likely to include bullying, teasing, and intimidation, but thoughts about returning to school paint a different picture in a child’s mind.

The pandemic has already shredded the self-esteem of many kids (and adults) who have developed social and emotional issues.  Many children with confidence and high self-esteem have also felt depressed and sad because of the state of affairs the world is currently in.  It is also not surprising that kids have lost social skills in the last year and a half.  For many, life on zoom in the comfort of home was oftentimes an easy day at school. Despite the occasional technical glitch, online learning meant keeping other stresses at bay. But this came with a major trade-off.

Seeing one’s peers on a screen gives students a sense of control over whom they see and talk to. They can log in and log off. But by heading back to the physical classroom, kids are mostly worried about facing social pressures that they have not faced in more than a year. Virtual learning helped get us through a tough time and some students have even thrived in class and engaged more than in person classes.

However, we are social creatures and we need people.

Kids with social anxiety had an easier time interacting on zoom.  No playground bullying, no bathroom bullying, no peer pressure in the hallways or bus.  All the areas where bullying takes place are removed from daily life, except cyberbullying which can take a more pronounced toll on kids because they are online so often.  Prolonged zooming has made kids suffer from social isolation and loneliness.  As a martial arts instructor teaching on zoom for a year, I know firsthand how difficult it has been for teachers too.

With any technology, we must acknowledge the good and the bad -- no interaction equals depression.

One of a human being’s basic needs is a sense of belonging.  We all need social connections, and chatting with friends in school about clothes, hairstyles, and hobbies has been out of the picture while on zoom.  Parents have developed other ways to help their children develop social interaction safely within their bubble or safe areas during the pandemic.

Change is hard- getting comfortable (too comfortable) with online learning will make kids more anxious in this changing situation.

Here are some solutions.

Help kids visualize a positive atmosphere, fun times, good friends.  In our karate class, we call this pre-framing.  Helping your kids imagine and expect a positive experience is a helpful tool.  

Ask for feedback in specific ways.  A question like “How was school today?” is too open-ended and will not get you a good response.  Ask them to rate their day on a scale of one to ten, ask what was the most fun or the most challenging part of their day.  This will open further dialogue and discussion.

Mention times when you might have had difficulties in school so you can show empathy.  We have all had many painful experiences in our school careers and sharing these stories will help your kids open up.  If they did have a low day ask them what could have happened differently that might have improved the situation.  Lastly, be a good listener and get them help from a teacher or a friend if needed.  Depression and bullying are no joke and can have a devastating effect on a child’s development.  And as the headline states, excitement or anxiety, both very similar emotions.  Just remind your child, it’s excitement!

Mike Bogdanski

America's ANTI Bully

Secret APPS

Teenagers are naturally drawn to secretive behaviors. It's all about finding their own voice and testing their independence. You were there once, remember? As a parent, your challenge is to find a balance between allowing them to be independent and respecting their privacy while also keeping them safe.

And with teens' ever-present smartphones and smart devices, it's even harder to monitor what they do, who they talk to and sites they visit online. The scary part is that there are apps your teenagers and younger kids can use to post and read inappropriate content, arrange to meet strangers, spend your money and see adults and other kids doing, well, all sorts of things that should be restricted to adults.

Here are 10 apps that teenagers and younger kids are using that you may not know about it. If you spot any of these apps on your child's phone, it may be time to have a frank discussion with them about dangers lurking on apps, while reminding them of the good things they can do with apps.

The secret apps you need to look for

Amino

This app has become a place where kids are bullied and bully others. That's unfortunate because it's intended to help kids make friends with people who share their interests and hobbies.

The problem is that it sets your kids up to meet strangers, as do a lot of these apps. They can easily be lulled into thinking a stranger who shares their interests, and who understands them, is a friend they'd like to meet in person.

Discord

This is a gaming app where your kids can chat with other gamers. That sounds like a fun and safe thing to do, and it can be.

But you may know that multiplayer video games, in general, can create a competitive and sometimes nasty environment. In other words, there's a lot of bullying that could be too intense for teenagers and young kids.

GroupMe

This app is geared to adults and older teenagers with lots of talk about sex and drinking. That doesn't mean it's appropriate for your kids, no matter their age.

It's also geared toward group chats, as its name suggests. It's easy to add people from your contact list, so one stranger your kid chats with can lead to another, more dangerous stranger.

Holla

Unlike a lot of these apps, Holla doesn't really have any good reason for being, at least not for non-consenting adults. It randomly matches your kids with complete strangers by video chat.

Worse, your kids can set it up to know their location, so strangers can hook up with them. The problem is that it's intended to be used by adults but it's easy for anyone of any age to use.

Kik

There's a terrifying reason that Kik may sound familiar to you. It's the messaging app used by 13-year-old Nicole Lovell to meet the person who killed her.

Nicole's murder was profiled on CBS's real-life crime series, "48 Hours." Hopefully, her story will help save the lives of other teenagers.

MeetMe

You've heard about dating apps and "hook-up" apps like Tinder, where adults meet potential mates and sexual partners. Apps that you probably haven't heard of, like MeetMe, are widely used by teenagers who put in fake birthdays to gain access to adult-only sexual situations.

What's even scarier with MeetMe and similar apps is that your teenager can let it track their location. The idea is to meet up with people near you, which could introduce your kid to "hook-up" meetings that could be deadly.

Socratic Math & Homework Help

If you're like a lot of parents, you've learned to love Echo's voice-activated assistant Alexa and the video site YouTube. They each have loads of helpful information - and answers - when your kids and you are struggling to figure out answers.

That's a good thing and so is the homework-helper app Socratic Math & Homework Help. The problem is that it's too easy for kids to cheat their way through homework. This app provides answers without walking kids through the steps, so they don't actually have to learn anything when they're getting the answers. Not what their teacher hand in mind when they assigned homework.

Secret Calculator

You have to know about Secret Calculator and similar apps. Your teenagers and young kids aren't using it to chat with people.

They use it to trick you. It looks like a calculator app, which you'd be happy to see them using, but it's simply hiding content that they don't want you to see and it's locked behind a password.

What kind of content? Photos of others - and themselves - that they don't want you to see, and more. It's ripe for misuse.

Snapchat

You may have heard about Snapchat - it's a messaging app similar to Facebook Messenger that is not unto itself a bad app. Heck, you might use it talk to your kids when they're not home.

The problem with Snapchat and many of the apps they're using is that it gives them a lot of anonymity and freedom that they don't have in real life. They can share and see adult-only content and have X-rated conversations with friends and strangers.

Snapchat's game-changing feature is that your kids' video messages disappear after the recipients reads them. Poof, gone! Except, there are ways around that, like taking a screenshot that can haunt your child into adulthood.

TikTok

We recently warned you about the dark side of TikTok. It's an enormously popular and fast-growing app that can be a platform for bad behavior.

The China-based app is geared to young people and its intended purpose is a good one. It encourages kids to have fun lip-syncing and posting original content.

The concern is that this short-video-sharing app is all about being popular and gaining followers. That has led lots of young people to post mature content and sexual images.

Watch out for these apps, and have a frank talk with your child about the risks

Stay Safe!

Provided by kmndo