Summer self defense (for kids)

 

Finally, we are seeing our anticipated summer weather. The prolonged spring of cooler weather and rainy days seems over. The current Amazon jungle heat wave has pounced on us like a panther on its prey, so we need to be careful, but it’s not just the heat that I want to warn families about.

As a lifelong martial artist, I have always been concerned about self-defense in many facets of daily life. I am not talking about ninjas attacking, but about valuable life skills kids need to be safe for everyday living this summer.

As a martial arts Grandmaster, I consider that everything in life can have a self-defense component. Here are a few examples of how to keep our kids safe.

Sunscreen = self-defense against sunburn.

Brushing your teeth = self-defense against cavities.

Making your bed = self-defense against getting yelled at by Mom!

I will start with the sun. 

As a teen, I visited a fantastic island resort with my family. We spent all day playing in the pool, and of course, back in those days, we did not use sunscreen. I suffered a severe sunburn that kept me in bed for the night. The next day, I had to cover myself in the pool. This was before modern swim shirts, so I had to wear my long-sleeve sweatshirt (which weighed ten pounds in the water!).

Put water in the kids, not kids in the water.

Kids' metabolisms run hotter than adults', producing more heat. Their water depletion can be dangerous because their sweat mechanism is less developed than that of adults, making it harder for them to cool down effectively and risking overheating. Kids who play hard in the summer may forget to drink, so please keep them hydrated. Recently, on one of our hot days, I became tired and had a rare headache, so I had to lie down in the AC, becoming a victim of dehydration, too. 

Self-defense against brain decay.

The brain is like a muscle that needs regular exercise. Summer slide is not a term for kids playing by the swing set. School-age kids receive summer take-home work for a specific reason. Research consistently shows that children can lose two months of reading skills if they don’t participate in summer learning activities. This accumulated loss can put kids significantly behind their peers by the time they reach middle school. Summer exposure to books expands a child’s vocabulary, improves comprehension, and strengthens critical thinking. My wife and I have a technique where one of our seven-year-old grandchildren receives tablet time equal to reading time. Ten minutes of reading gets her ten minutes of tablet time. Seems like a great trade to us. With lots of mental stimulation, kids brains will become super tuned up for September. Developing a love for reading can bring tons of achievement and pleasure throughout a lifetime. I love our Putnam library, which we visit often for our grandchildren and ourselves. They host many kids' activities and even provide lunch all summer. Feel free to pass on one of my most-used tips for kids: Readers are leaders!

Fireworks are fun (and dangerous )

The most fantastic part of Putnam’s Independence Day celebration is the fireworks. I heartily suggest watching the professionals do the work. Did you know a sparkler burns at 2,000 degrees? I have been at cookouts where five-year-olds played with these as if they were toys, and yes, my adrenaline was spiking off the charts. 

Water self-defense.

Every year, an average of four people will drown in the state of Connecticut. One summer, when I worked as a lake lifeguard, I had to personally pull kids out of the lake twice who couldn’t swim but ventured into deep water. As kids and families frolicked nearby, I had my eye on one of the kids as he began floundering and struggling, and when he realized his feet could not touch the bottom, he immediately began to panic. As I jumped out of my lifeguard chair and ran into the water, I watched him go under. I didn’t even have to swim to him because the water he was in wasn’t that deep. He had no swimming skills and had no adult supervision. This situation could have turned very badly. 

Drowning happens quietly and quickly, so I suggest a watch-watcher. In a crowded swimming situation, one adult should have a designated time where they do nothing but watch the kids, with no phone and no distractions. 

On a more serious note, many years ago, one spring, I lost one of my five-year-old students in a home drowning situation. He was playing with his cousin in the backyard. He decided to climb up on the edge of the above-ground pool, which had a cover on it. He stepped onto the cover and was not secured well. In he went. The cover came down over him, and he could not grab onto the side to save himself. His was the saddest funeral I have ever been to. 

Let’s be careful out there. Please don’t make me send the ninjas.

Mike Bogdanski

Mike is a martial arts Grandmaster and anti-bully activist.

Why I Love American Idol

Over the years, I have not missed even one American Idol show. You might think it's because I love listening to music and watching performances, but I see so much more going on in the show. The most satisfying portions of Idol are when a slightly talented singer goes through. Over time, the performers may evolve into world-class singers and week by week will make their mark on the American public. It is a process that unfolds before our eyes and is a wonder to behold.

I want to dig into the eight personal traits these individuals share -- traits that undeniably increase their odds of success. At the beginning of their journey, if they make the cut to go to Hollywood, they must experience a significant boost in confidence simply by being selected as a high-level performer from a field of thousands that apply. Then, little by little, we see the metamorphosis from caterpillar to butterfly. But besides their natural gift as singers and entertainers, what other intrinsic skills do they have to push them along?

1. First I think- Passion.

These performers have probably honed their love of music since they were small children singing in the living room with their parents. They sing with purpose, and the music is in their soul. It infuses every aspect of their lives. They sing in the car, in the shower, and probably every day without thinking about it.

2. Confidence

Confidence comes from setting and achieving small goals. Over the years, I have often used the phrase, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” I still find it very useful to break things down into small pieces, which enables me to see the finished product and goal better. 

3. Focus

You can't fake consistent excellence. You must put in the work every day, every week, and every month. It takes years to get to a high level of performance. I watched a biopic of the Jackson 5, and It was reported that they practiced singing and dancing three times a day for at least three to four hours. They continued to do so even after they had succeeded in the entertainment field (achieving a whopping 21 Gold and Platinum certifications for their songs and albums). If it's not broken, don't fix it. 

4. They Connect -

To grab the audience, you can practice connecting with people. It’s a skill you can acquire to make people feel special as if they were the only person in the room. The technique of charm and charisma can be learned, but it's not easy. When I was in college, I had a friend who oozed charisma. At first, I tried to copy some of the traits he used, but in time, I understood that he had honed a specific technique all his own. I learned to model his style of charisma and interaction until I could develop my own version. Your presence can bring people in when you come across as genuine and interested. 

5. Have a strong work ethic and be coachable.

The Idol winner must have an indomitable spirit that enables them to fight through any obstacle. These Idols will regularly see challenges as detours, not barriers.

Find a coach who believes in you and can teach you to take occasional criticism and feedback. But you also have to believe in your coach/mentor. If you are unsatisfied, search for someone who is a good fit. Successful people have this winning attitude - “What was good enough today is not good enough tomorrow.” 

6. Evolve.

The American Idol judges told the contestants that they were consistently evolving. You can't be the same person tomorrow if you want to make improvements. Just keep on keeping on. Also, know that there will be days when you take one step forward and two steps backward. 

7. Show perseverance. Don't dwell on failure.

When I had students superload on pushups, I taught them that the one that makes you stronger is not the first; it's the last one, the one you must push hard to finish. Like that previous challenging pushup, reaching a worthwhile goal will be hard, but I will tell you now: it will be worth it.

8. You need strength. 

Mental, physical, and emotional strength are the trifecta of performance and need to work together. For example, you would not feed a multi-million dollar racehorse sugar and candy to get a top performance. You would not take a big test with only a few hours of sleep. If you want a high level of performance, practice and rehearse so you are convinced going into your situation where you are thinking: "I can't be beat.”

Lastly, as you consider implementing some of these key American Idol takeaways, enjoy the journey. While you travel down the road of life, take friends with you. I want to leave you with this last piece of advice: "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."

 Mike Bogdanski 

Mike is a martial arts Grandmaster and ANTI-Bully activist

Adult Bullying

 

Do you know what happens to kids who are bullies when they grow up? Yes, they become adult bullies. I have often spoken of the hardships that bullying causes for children. Today, I wanted to talk about bullying and the harm it causes to adults.

One of my friends was a target of bullies all through his childhood. He hoped and wished that the bullying would stop once he reached adulthood, and mostly, it did. He recently prompted me to write on the issue of adult bullying and told me of some of the occasions when he was targeted as an adult.

Bullies don’t always trip you while walking down the hall, shove you into a locker, or call you names. Adult bullies sit across from you in a meeting, behind a keyboard, and even at a lunch meeting. Adult bullying is more subtle but can be just as demeaning and painful as when you were a kid.

Children who bully will use physical bullying by pushing, shoving, and hitting. Adult bullies use social bullying as their weapon and want to put you down, diminish your importance, dominate, and humiliate you.

Bully traits-

The first is verbal bullying- name-calling, sarcasm, and humiliation will become their primary weapon. They can be critical of even minor faults and nitpick you at every opportunity. They are intentionally hunting you to deliver a put-down, especially in front of your peers. You will hear them spreading rumors in the gossip mill to achieve their dominance, which is meant to tear a person down and infect your workplace. Sarcasm, whether big or small, always lets targets of the bully know they are being put in their place. 

Manipulation-

Adult bullies will justify their twisting of the truth to make their accomplishments the best ideas and diminish your efforts in order to build themselves up. They will look to hijack your success and put down your inadequacies any chance they get. Often, it is done on social media (through cyberbullying)or in a group setting to enhance the sting while surrounded by your friends, workers, or family.

Being passive-aggressive.

I think this is an easy trap to fall into. Adult bullies use techniques like the silent treatment, sabotaging your work, put-downs, and using flimsy excuses like, I was just kidding. Being threatened or existing in a climate of fear is very common. Have you ever been in a situation where you had to walk on eggshells to avoid the blatant anger of your bully?

Social exclusion-

This is common—excluding people from certain situations and creating cliques where one person is excluded.

Intimidation-

Adult bullies will use veiled or overt threats. You hear people comment, “You will pay for that.” Sometimes, it is an overly enthusiastic and hard slap on the back, a person leaning in too close, or a strong arm around your shoulder that signals not-so-subtle attempts at causing anxiety in their targets. 

The first thing you have to do is recognize it and work to stop it, not just for yourself but also for other people who may be targeted. Here are three powerful ways that I suggest that will empower you against an adult bully.

#1: “Ask, Are you okay?”

Say it slowly and calmly. Stand tall and make good eye contact. Remember, your physiology communicates more about your message than your words do. This phrase will catch them off guard and signal them that their behavior is not okay.

And most importantly, it denies them the reaction they are looking for.

#2: Ask questions of intent. 

“This sounds like…”

“Did you mean to embarrass me?”

“Did you mean for that to offend me?”

“Did you mean to upset me?”

You’re giving them a mirror to understand the consequences of their behavior. No matter how hard it is, bullies need to learn empathy.

#3: “Attention or insecurity?”

They’re going to ask, “What do you mean?”

You respond: “Did you say that to be hurtful, for attention, or because of some insecurity?”

It will make them think twice before saying something like that again.

There are many ways to deal with someone who bullies others, most of which depend on one's level of safety and support in one's environment. Use your best judgment and your support system.

It's important to remember that bullying is often a pattern of behavior, not just isolated incidents. Bullying is characterized by a power imbalance and the intent to harm, intimidate, or control the other person. If you are a target, you are giving off signals of vulnerability. You may be in a situation where it's impossible or difficult to defend yourself from your bully. 

Lastly, the bully triad consists of three people: the bully, the target, and the bystander. Try to enlist help from others (an upstander) to assist you in these situations. If the bullying continues and the problem does not change, you may have to leave the group you are involved with, whether it is work or a hobby. I hope this article helps.

Mike Bogdanski

Mike is a martial arts Grandmaster and Anti-bully activist

Mikebogdanski.com

Lead like Ike

 When I look at my life, I look at what helped me form my internal motivation. Growing up, I was a shy and quiet kid, but I learned to latch onto ideas that moved me forward, especially when, as a teen, times were sometimes emotionally challenging. Over the years, I have found many great mentors and role models, but I learned the importance of driving myself internally to move forward. I have often been inspired by studying success stories and inspirational quotes that helped me push myself to higher levels of achievement. I have a personal library of inspirational sayings that I review regularly so I can better inspire myself and others who might need an emotional boost or a kick in the pants to help them through challenging days. When I was teaching martial arts, I often shared a story to help students learn life-enhancing success principles. I knew you might not always remember a quote, but the message from an emotionally charged story will stay with you for a long time.

Recently, a friend who is the chairperson of a group I am in asked me about leadership and asked me to give him feedback on how he was doing. Over the years, I have read countless books and philosophies about leadership. Still, first, I would define it to him: it’s the ability to inspire, guide, and influence others toward a shared vision or goal, collaborating together while making powerful choices for success. I thought about all the basic descriptives I have used to describe leadership and decided this inspirational concept would best communicate my message. 

I have often referenced this simple story by Dwight Eisenhower (World War II General and 34th President of the United States).

When Eisenhower was President, he spoke to a reporter about all his accomplishments as the Allied commander in World War 2, head of NATO after the war, and then President of the United States. After the interview, the reporter had one last question to ask. What makes you such an accomplished and great leader? 

He put a shoelace on his desk and extended it to its entire length. He asked the reporter to push the lace from behind. The string got bunched up and moved nowhere. Eisenhower then pulled the piece of string from the front, and it moved forward easily.

The President then passed on these words of wisdom-. "Pull the string, and it will follow wherever you wish. Push it, and it will go nowhere at all".

A leader who uses anger, fear, threats, harassment, and intimidation is using the push method. This person thinks people need to be pushed to get them moving and perform up to their standards. This bullying technique of the push method will gain results, but usually in the short term. 

The pull method assumes the best about people. Lending a person your ear, connecting with them emotionally, and letting them feel like you walked in their shoes will help you build a relationship with someone on your team. I always assume team members are motivated to work, contribute, and make a difference. Speaking and listening to people as a team and leading the way by teaching people how to succeed is the hallmark of a pull leader. Setting goals, teaching perseverance, and a non-quitting attitude give people the emotional strength to achieve. The pulling leader inspires!

"You don't lead by hitting people on the head - 

that's assault, not leadership." 

Pushing from the back causes your shoelace and your team to bunch up with little progress. Members of a pushing team will always be worried about the leader jumping on them, criticizing them, and even competing against them rather than focusing on the group's goal. The outcome of push culture is keeping your head down and trying to stay out of trouble.

A leader using the pull method understands Eisenhower's quote and cultivates members' desire and buy-in by keeping the organization's vision clear, steady, focused, and always in sight. My best idea is to challenge people in a fun, mission-driven way that keeps morale high.

I have seen leaders employ both tactics, with varied levels of intensity and variations of style. However, all leaders tend to have a dominant style, and a push style and a pull style are definitely different. Both yield results but with different outcomes. Pull leaders inspire loyalty, while push leaders inspire fear. Remember, leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because a person wants to do it.

So try it: take a piece of string or yarn, push it, and teach this lesson to someone who might benefit from this wisdom. This incredible story affirms the premise of “lead from the front.” Ok leaders, remember “A rising tide lifts all boats”(one of JFK‘s favorite quotes)

Mike Bogdanski

Mike is an Anti-bully activist and martial arts Grandmaster.

Home Rules For Children

 

Several years ago, I met a martial arts instructor, Grandmaster Jhoon Rhee of Washington, D.C. Over the decades, he taught hundreds of Senators, members of Congress, and several world champions. Even at age 70, he was the perfect physical specimen (doing one thousand situps and pushups every day); he decided not to get us out on the floor to train physically; he just wanted to talk about how to be a Black Belt in life. Here are his basic “Home Rules For Children.” This might be a good printout for the refrigerator door.

1. Children Shall greet their parents with "Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad!" when they enter the home and tell their parents, "Goodbye," when they leave. 

Good manners must be taught to young people, and they should be praised when they display the desired attributes until they become a habit.

2. Children will always be respectful of their parents, teachers and elders. My personal idea of respect is -treat people how you want to be treated. Some of us that are now older wish we still had our parents around. 

3. Children will be kind to their Brothers and Sisters. It would be good to clarify this word into actions that even the youngest child can understand. Kindness is being friendly, generous, and considerate. Siblings can share a treat, give a compliment, cheer them up, and even say sorry when they feel like they did something wrong. 

4. Children will keep the household neat and clean. When our grandkids are over, we get to practice this. They can't take out new toys until the current toys are put away. Don't let them touch dirty dishes twice. Why put them in the sink for a visit when they can go directly into the dishwasher?

We all know the basic rule: If you take it out and you put it away. Having things on a schedule definitely helps (like getting our trash bins to the curb on time).

5. Children will keep their hair, body, and teeth clean daily. I think it's about routines and schedules. After doing a task consistently, kids develop habits. It's up to parents to get them set up as good ones instead of bad ones. It's important to teach that certain cues equal certain actions. After waking up, you brush your teeth; after using the toilet, you wash your hands; when you cough, it's into your arm. I always liked to teach kids that this was self-defense against germs. 

6. Children will not interrupt adult conversations. I always taught kids to wait nearby, make good eye contact, and then, when they wanted to speak to adults in conversation, say, "Excuse me, Mom/Dad." Respect for parents must be a priority in every household. If it's not taught to children when they are young, you certainly know how they will treat parents when they are teens.

7. Children shall fix the recipe for straight 'A & B's daily! I always like teaching the concept of “inspect what you expect.” Teaching kids that getting consistently good grades is essential along with teaching the idea of the five P’s- perfect planning prevents poor performance. 

8. When you come home from school, open the refrigerator and pick a healthy snack, no exceptions. This will become a habit that will serve them well over their lifetime. 

At the end of his seminar, he asked the assembled group this question that resounds in my head daily: “What is the purpose of life?”

The Grandmaster’s answer was so powerful, yet so simple. “To be happy!”

Mike Bogdanski

America’s Anti Bully

Mikebogdanski.com

Barriers

 It’s too hard, I don't have enough time, it's too lofty a goal, and people like me don't do things like that. You have heard all the excuses, so now let's dig into why people never start and, if they start, never succeed.

Taking giant steps 

I am reminded of the philosophy I learned from one of my esteemed teachers. He asked me, “How do you eat an elephant?” I thought for a minute and gave him a silly answer (being a teen at the time): “Sir, with a fork and ketchup.”

He shook his head (his occasional reaction to my responses) and answered, “No, silly boy, one bite at a time!” The real lesson was that I was trying to take giant steps in my progress rather than baby steps to get things right. My lesson of setting smaller, easier, and more realistic goals has helped me over the years.

Setting a timeline.

The difference between a dream and a goal is a deadline.

When I was in college, I knew if a term paper were due in six weeks, I would have it done in six weeks. I had a starting point, a midpoint, and then an endpoint. When a person has no defining parameters for accomplishing a task, it becomes one of those “I will get to it soon” moments.

Here are five barriers that may hold you back from being successful.

Not enough information

I learned this from my Dad, who was a builder. He told me he built his first spec house at age sixteen. He had been working for his Dad, argued with him, and left. He figured that since he had helped build over twenty houses, he was smart enough to strike out on his own and give it a go. My Dad’s first solo project was finally finished, sat empty for months, and finally sold, but he lost money. He then realized how wise his father was and learned he should depend on people who were more intelligent than him to give him all the information to succeed.

You quit too early.

I once met someone who told me they had been to college for four years. I asked what degree they earned, and they told me I didn’t earn a degree. He commented,” I was a freshman at four different colleges and dropped out each time!” So, four years of college and nothing to show for it. It’s essential to think long-term and short-term. Short-term success helps you achieve long-term results. I once read that Sony Corporation, the electronics manufacturing company in Japan, had a hundred-year business plan. Don't just be a dreamer, be a doer too. Owning the dream is your real goal.

No success coach.

Everyone needs a teacher, coach, or mentor. Even Tiger Woods has a coach. To become the greatest golfer in the world, he hired a putting coach, a driving coach, a strength coach, and a nutritionist. A coach can give you feedback and push you along when you need a kick in the butt. Just like an airplane autopilot, mentors will help you with course corrections.

Not thinking positive- 

Success comes in cans, 

Not cant’s.

Whenever I was teaching, I always had a life lesson in mind. One of my favorite motivational sayings I want to share with you today is “Whatever Your Mind Can Conceive and Believe, It Can Achieve.” – Napoleon Hill. This quote from the 1937 book “Think and Grow Rich” has gained much popularity in recent years as a way to describe the power of positive thinking, one of the most essential concepts in training your brain.

Not enough detail on the goal and the process.

Whenever you set your goal, you need to describe it in intricate detail so that it becomes real to you. List the colors, smell, sound, feel, and texture if you can. Here is an example. A highly waxed metal-flake midnight blue Harley Softail deluxe with shiny leather seats with my initials, custom foot pegs, oversized tires, and a throaty growl and flames down the sides of the tank. Oversized chrome wheels that shine like a bright star. Get the idea?

Now, to make what you want to happen, please write it down. When a thought transfers into writing, it seeds in your mind what will come. I am a big fan of a small pad on which to write and rewrite notes. When writing something down, you imprint the thought, idea, or goal firmly into your brain, and that becomes indelible. 

A well-known study by Dr. Gail Matthews at Dominican University found that people who wrote down their goals shared them with a friend, and provided regular progress updates were 42% more likely to achieve their goals than those who only thought about them.

I am a big fan of setting s.m.a.r.t. goals - specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-based. I hope this helps!

Mike Bogdanski

“An Attitude of Gratitude”

 

My New Year tip to readers is to do something for someone else.

I love the quote from motivational speaker Zig Ziglar who famously said, "You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want."

Overall, acts of kindness benefit both your mental and physical well-being. I know some of you are saying, "Mike, I am too busy, too stressed, too overworked, and overwhelmed." How can I help others when I can barely help myself? We can look to the late President Jimmy Carter. He served as president of the US and then quietly faded into the background, but he and his wife went on for decades to serve others. 

Why? When you do something nice for someone, your body experiences several positive mental and physical benefits:

Random acts of kindness release serotonin (which improves mood), dopamine (which creates a sense of pleasure), and endorphins (which reduce pain and stress). Being kind can lower cortisol levels, your stress hormone, making you feel calm and relaxed. Helping others can release oxytocin, which benefits your heart by reducing blood pressure and inflammation. Positive emotional states from being kind can strengthen your immune system, making your body less prone to illness. Doesn’t that sound great?

You start making your community a better place as one kind person with one kind act. Kindness can have a ripple effect, starting with one person at a time and one town at a time, by helping you focus on positive situations and giving you an opportunity to bring good to the world even when times are difficult or challenging. The way I spell love is t-i-m-e. You don't have to give money; you can just contribute your time and energy to make things better in our little quiet corner.

How? 

Donate food, toys, or books. Volunteer to serve food at a homeless shelter or the Veteran’s Coffeehouse. Leave an extra tip at your local restaurant. Drop off a meal to a family with a new baby or who just experienced a huge personal loss. Doing something to improve someone else’s day, for no good reason, will enrich your day exponentially.

Where?

There are many local places where you can help. I will begin by saying I love this quote, “Act local, think globally,” to mentally set your course. My suggestions include TEEG, Interfaith Human Services of Putnam(food donations, diaper bank, fuel, and more), the Putnam Resource Center, volunteering for your local historical society, and local boards (zoning, economic development, wetlands, etc.) or even shoveling the snow off a neighbor’s sidewalk. There are many opportunities to lift up our neighbors and our towns.

Trust me. I could share study after study about how helping someone else improves people’s moods more than getting a gift themselves, but I know this from personal experience. While running my business, I decided to do a community project and raised a few thousand dollars for Paul Newman’s Hole In The Wall camp in Eastford. When I met with the staff, they showed me the million-dollar contributions that the camp had received. Even though they appreciated the donation, it felt like a drop in the bucket to this internationally funded group. It was then I decided to do something more local. I had a very good friend who struggled with drugs, so I thought supporting local children through D.A.R.E programs might be a better choice. All the money stayed local, and each school could receive money from the generous contributions of local businesses and people in our towns. To me, it was a win-win for our kids. I felt that if drugs started to ruin my friend's life, they could destroy anyone, and I was a person who could help.

Since retiring, I have had more time to give back to the community, and I absolutely love it. I am happiest when I help others. I love being busy and giving my time, advice, and experience to others. I have always tried to pass on the philosophy of having “an attitude of gratitude.” 

My favorite quote for the new year is, “If you want to touch the past, touch a rock. If you want to touch the present, touch a flower. If you want to touch the future, touch a life.”

—AUTHOR UNKNOWN

President Carter recently passed away at age one hundred. For years after his presidency, he served his community with grace, humility, compassion, dignity, courage, and love. Let’s be like Jimmy; together, we can lift up the world.

P.S. - I am helping to organize a celebrity bartender fundraiser for Interfaith Human Services of Putnam (daily bread/diaper bank/fuel assistance) on February 20 at Montana Nights Axe Throwing in Putnam from 5:30-8 pm if you want to kick off your generosity and have lots of fun. Hope to see you there!

Mike Bogdanski

Mike is a martial arts Grandmaster and anti-bully activist.