Kids and Mental Health

With the days of being stuck at home and attending school on zoom behind us, the mental health of our children is still very important.  School is still tough on a good day but nearly impossible on days when kids might be getting bullied.

Let’s define bullying so we can assess what we are looking at.  Bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior that involves a person with a real or a perceived power imbalance.  We can all look back at a time in our lives when we experienced bullying.  

Physical bullying is the easiest to see, pushing, shoving, and hitting.  Verbal bullying consists of name-calling, threats, and harassment.  Social bullying is harder to notice, the rumors, the gossip, and being excluded. Now,  it can be compounded by the huge access to technology. Before the days of being digitally connected bullying stopped when kids left school. . Today it follows them everywhere.  Texts, social media, online gaming, and anywhere online where kids gather,  are opportunities for bullies to seek out targets.  Our children need to be taught about these different types of bullying and know they are wrong. 

The effects on a child’s mental health can cause feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, anxiety, and severe depression.  Being beat up (because it happened to me) can make children suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome and scar a person for decades.  Personally, I remember the bad dreams, the headaches, the stomachaches, and the general fear of leaving the house.  The emotional upset is world-changing and does not just go away.  Even witnessing bullying can affect the observers and have a detrimental effect on their well-being.

Bullying can change a child for a lifetime. If bullied at a young age, while going through different developmental stages, a child can be stuck at a point where they fear anything new. Being bullied leaves footprints of anger on a child’s psyche, creating anger at the bullies and developing self-loathing because they could not stand up for themselves.  Thinking thoughts like, why am I so stupid, or so fat, or so ugly affirms to them they deserve to be bullied. 

As an instructor of martial arts as well as a former school counselor I recommend a strong emphasis on the mind and body connection.  I have preached for decades that with a strong body comes a strong mind. The solution- we need to get our kids moving.  The best way is a structured and timed event like a 45-minute karate class or a game of soccer or basketball with a few friends.  It does not need to be competitive because then someone needs to lose. The real benefit is the ability to practice a skill that is fun and gets circulation and movement, especially through the brain!

Let's not allow our kids to wallow in self-pity.  Remember, pushing our kids to be successful is not something we do to kids, it is what we do for kids.

Mike Bogdanski is a martial arts Grandmaster and holds degrees in psychology and counseling

Bullying and mental health

 

With the days of being stuck at home and attending school on zoom behind us, the mental health of our children is still very important.  School is still tough on a good day but nearly impossible on days when kids might be getting bullied.

Let’s define bullying so we can assess what we are looking at.  Bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior that involves a person with a real or a perceived power imbalance.  We can all look back at a time in our lives when we experienced bullying.  

Physical bullying is the easiest to see, pushing, shoving, and hitting.  Verbal bullying consists of name-calling, threats, and harassment.  Social bullying is harder to notice, the rumors, the gossip, and being excluded. Now,  it can be compounded by the huge access to technology. Before the days of being digitally connected bullying stopped when kids left school. . Today it follows them everywhere.  Texts, social media, online gaming, and anywhere online where kids gather,  are opportunities for bullies to seek out targets.  Our children need to be taught about these different types of bullying and know they are wrong. 

The effects on a child’s mental health can cause feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, anxiety, and severe depression.  Being beat up (because it happened to me) can make children suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome and scar a person for decades.  Personally, I remember the bad dreams, the headaches, the stomachaches, and the general fear of leaving the house.  The emotional upset is world-changing and does not just go away.  Even witnessing bullying can affect the observers and have a detrimental effect on their well-being.

Bullying can change a child for a lifetime. If bullied at a young age, while going through different developmental stages, a child can be stuck at a point where they fear anything new. Being bullied leaves footprints of anger on a child’s psyche, creating anger at the bullies and developing self-loathing because they could not stand up for themselves.  Thinking thoughts like, why am I so stupid, or so fat, or so ugly affirms to them they deserve to be bullied. 

As an instructor of martial arts as well as a former school counselor I recommend a strong emphasis on the mind and body connection.  I have preached for decades that with a strong body comes a strong mind. The solution- we need to get our kids moving.  The best way is a structured and timed event like a 45-minute karate class or a game of soccer or basketball with a few friends.  It does not need to be competitive because then someone needs to lose. The real benefit is the ability to practice a skill that is fun and gets circulation and movement, especially through the brain!

Let's not allow our kids to wallow in self-pity.  Remember, pushing our kids to be successful is not something we do to kids, it is what we do for kids.

Mike Bogdanski is a martial arts Grandmaster and holds degrees in psychology and counselingmental health kid image

My friend Scotty

 

Scotty 

A few years ago I attended the World cup, a prestigious martial arts tournament held in Hungary. A large group from the U.S.A. attended including some physically and mentally challenged students. We trained for several months and were looking forward to visiting Europe. I chatted with many of the people on the team. The group had a lot of age ranges including children, teens and adults into their fifties. There was a big group of teens flying over with us. 

One boy in particular I had met before and his name is Scotty. Scotty was one of the challenged members. He suffered from spina bifida as a child and used crutches to make his way around. His balance was very compromised and his legs had very little strength but he had the heart and courage of a lion. Scotty is a Black Belt. Maybe not a Black belt in the traditional sense, but for a person with his means he knew all the requirements as well as a person with his challenges could. This kid was an absolute charmer. His personality was all sunshine and people were attracted to his charm and outgoing attitude. As we got to know Scotty better we began to see him more from the inside than from the outside. 

At the tournament Scotty was going to perform in a category called forms where a person is judged on power, speed, and balance as they execute kicks, punches and blocks in a choreographed individual routine. Scotty, who boldly entered in a teen category, fared not too well. Teenagers with strong bodies were tough competition and Scotty didn’t come close to winning a medal. During the course of the day his American teammates did well and Scotty was the first one there to congratulate them. He shared in the excitement of other teammates victory even though he hadn’t been able to win anything himself. Later that afternoon there was another division for the teenage Black Belts to compete in. 

The self defense division was a competition where an individual would defend himself against an attacker. The same standards were required as before, speed, power and balance. Scotty had passed on competing in a handicap division, saying, “That was for people with real challenges”! The division was under way and Scotty was ready. There were many other contests going on in the auditorium but when Scotty went up it seemed that everyone stopped what they were doing to watch. Here Scotty went, awkwardly walking up to the judges to introduced himself and his partner. The judges nodded with approval signifying that it was all right to step back and begin. As Scotty and his partner began I saw a change. 

Scotty stood a little straighter, his eyes became as focused as a laser beam, his face was deadly serious and then the attacker came at him. A punch was launched at his face and he used a crutch to block it away and then turned it into a strike doubling his opponent over. The audience just gasped! The attacker rose again and again but the deft strokes of Scotty’s crutches blocked and struck again with unerring precision. After about a minute of constant attacks Scotty’s finalized his defense by sweeping his attackers legs out from under him and pinned him to the ground with a crutch.

 Silence, not a word or sound from any one. Then it began. Clapping. More clapping. Then a thunderous roar of clapping resounded from the rafters. All the Black Belt teenagers in his competition ran over and started hugging Scotty like a long lost brother. The kids hoisted him up onto their shoulders and paraded him around like he was Babe Ruth hitting a homerun to win the world series. The applause went on for fifteen minutes straight. 

That weekend we got to hang around with the World Cup Black Belt self defense gold medalist. We called him Champ but he said we could call him Scotty.