Talking to your child about school bullies is an essential conversation as the new school year begins. For elementary and middle school-aged children, navigating social interactions can be challenging, and understanding how to handle bullying is crucial for their emotional well-being. Here’s how you can approach this sensitive topic.
1. Create a Safe Space for Conversation:
Start by establishing a safe and open environment where your child feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. During a quiet moment, such as after dinner, when your child is more likely to open up. Begin the conversation by asking general questions about their day at school, such as who they spent time with or what they enjoyed. A good way to start is by asking what was great today and then moving into what was bad today. Gradually steer the conversation toward friendships and peer interactions, making it clear that they can talk to you about anything, including uncomfortable situations. It might be good to share a personal story from your youth.
2. Define Bullying Clearly:
It’s important to ensure your child understands what bullying is. Explain that bullying can take many forms—physical, verbal, or social—and can occur in person or online. Give age-appropriate examples, such as name-calling, spreading rumors, exclusion from groups, or physical aggression. Emphasize that bullying is repeated behavior intended to hurt someone, which is never the victim's fault. Sometimes it’s not easy to see the bullying going on.
3. Point Out Real-Life Examples:
To help your child recognize bullying, point out situations you might witness daily. Whether it’s something you see while walking down the street, in a store, or even on television, use these moments as teaching opportunities. For example, if you see children being unkind to each other at a park, gently discuss what you observed with your child and ask how they think the victim might feel. These real-life examples make the concept of bullying more real and help your child to better understand and see similar situations they might encounter at school.
4. Encourage Empathy and Kindness:
Teach your child the importance of empathy by encouraging them to think about how others might feel. Discuss the value of being kind and standing up for peers who bullies may target. Role-playing scenarios can be a helpful way to practice responses to bullying, whether your child witnesses it or experiences it themselves. Reinforce the idea that everyone deserves to feel safe and respected at school.
5. Empower Them with Strategies:
Equip your child with strategies to deal with bullies. Encourage them to stay calm, assertively tell the bully to stop, and walk away if possible. One of the best skills you can practice is teaching your child to stand assertively, hands open, make good eye contact, and if feeling physically threatened, strongly repeat “Back away”! This skill can be practiced daily almost like a game until it is embedded in your child.
Emphasize the importance of seeking help from a trusted adult, such as a teacher, school counselor, or trusted adult, if they feel threatened or uncomfortable. Let them know that reporting bullying is not tattling; it’s the responsible way to protect themselves and others. If they don’t help stop bullies, the terror tactics will just continue.
6. Stay Involved and Follow Up:
Maintain an ongoing conversation about your child’s experiences at school. Regularly check in to see how they are doing and if they have encountered any bullying. To personalize an experience, share your bullying memories and how you dealt with it.
Stay in touch with teachers and school staff to monitor any problem situation and ensure that your child feels supported. Your involvement can make a significant difference in helping your child navigate bullying effectively.
By keeping communication open, educating your child about bullying, and equipping them with the tools to handle difficult situations, you can help them feel more confident and secure as they navigate the school's social landscape.
These tips will help by addressing bullying before it happens.
Mike Bogdanski is a martial arts Grandmaster and Anti-bully activist.
Mikebogdanski.com
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