Lead like Ike

 When I look at my life, I look at what helped me form my internal motivation. Growing up, I was a shy and quiet kid, but I learned to latch onto ideas that moved me forward, especially when, as a teen, times were sometimes emotionally challenging. Over the years, I have found many great mentors and role models, but I learned the importance of driving myself internally to move forward. I have often been inspired by studying success stories and inspirational quotes that helped me push myself to higher levels of achievement. I have a personal library of inspirational sayings that I review regularly so I can better inspire myself and others who might need an emotional boost or a kick in the pants to help them through challenging days. When I was teaching martial arts, I often shared a story to help students learn life-enhancing success principles. I knew you might not always remember a quote, but the message from an emotionally charged story will stay with you for a long time.

Recently, a friend who is the chairperson of a group I am in asked me about leadership and asked me to give him feedback on how he was doing. Over the years, I have read countless books and philosophies about leadership. Still, first, I would define it to him: it’s the ability to inspire, guide, and influence others toward a shared vision or goal, collaborating together while making powerful choices for success. I thought about all the basic descriptives I have used to describe leadership and decided this inspirational concept would best communicate my message. 

I have often referenced this simple story by Dwight Eisenhower (World War II General and 34th President of the United States).

When Eisenhower was President, he spoke to a reporter about all his accomplishments as the Allied commander in World War 2, head of NATO after the war, and then President of the United States. After the interview, the reporter had one last question to ask. What makes you such an accomplished and great leader? 

He put a shoelace on his desk and extended it to its entire length. He asked the reporter to push the lace from behind. The string got bunched up and moved nowhere. Eisenhower then pulled the piece of string from the front, and it moved forward easily.

The President then passed on these words of wisdom-. "Pull the string, and it will follow wherever you wish. Push it, and it will go nowhere at all".

A leader who uses anger, fear, threats, harassment, and intimidation is using the push method. This person thinks people need to be pushed to get them moving and perform up to their standards. This bullying technique of the push method will gain results, but usually in the short term. 

The pull method assumes the best about people. Lending a person your ear, connecting with them emotionally, and letting them feel like you walked in their shoes will help you build a relationship with someone on your team. I always assume team members are motivated to work, contribute, and make a difference. Speaking and listening to people as a team and leading the way by teaching people how to succeed is the hallmark of a pull leader. Setting goals, teaching perseverance, and a non-quitting attitude give people the emotional strength to achieve. The pulling leader inspires!

"You don't lead by hitting people on the head - 

that's assault, not leadership." 

Pushing from the back causes your shoelace and your team to bunch up with little progress. Members of a pushing team will always be worried about the leader jumping on them, criticizing them, and even competing against them rather than focusing on the group's goal. The outcome of push culture is keeping your head down and trying to stay out of trouble.

A leader using the pull method understands Eisenhower's quote and cultivates members' desire and buy-in by keeping the organization's vision clear, steady, focused, and always in sight. My best idea is to challenge people in a fun, mission-driven way that keeps morale high.

I have seen leaders employ both tactics, with varied levels of intensity and variations of style. However, all leaders tend to have a dominant style, and a push style and a pull style are definitely different. Both yield results but with different outcomes. Pull leaders inspire loyalty, while push leaders inspire fear. Remember, leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because a person wants to do it.

So try it: take a piece of string or yarn, push it, and teach this lesson to someone who might benefit from this wisdom. This incredible story affirms the premise of “lead from the front.” Ok leaders, remember “A rising tide lifts all boats”(one of JFK‘s favorite quotes)

Mike Bogdanski

Mike is an Anti-bully activist and martial arts Grandmaster.

Home Rules For Children

 

Several years ago, I met a martial arts instructor, Grandmaster Jhoon Rhee of Washington, D.C. Over the decades, he taught hundreds of Senators, members of Congress, and several world champions. Even at age 70, he was the perfect physical specimen (doing one thousand situps and pushups every day); he decided not to get us out on the floor to train physically; he just wanted to talk about how to be a Black Belt in life. Here are his basic “Home Rules For Children.” This might be a good printout for the refrigerator door.

1. Children Shall greet their parents with "Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad!" when they enter the home and tell their parents, "Goodbye," when they leave. 

Good manners must be taught to young people, and they should be praised when they display the desired attributes until they become a habit.

2. Children will always be respectful of their parents, teachers and elders. My personal idea of respect is -treat people how you want to be treated. Some of us that are now older wish we still had our parents around. 

3. Children will be kind to their Brothers and Sisters. It would be good to clarify this word into actions that even the youngest child can understand. Kindness is being friendly, generous, and considerate. Siblings can share a treat, give a compliment, cheer them up, and even say sorry when they feel like they did something wrong. 

4. Children will keep the household neat and clean. When our grandkids are over, we get to practice this. They can't take out new toys until the current toys are put away. Don't let them touch dirty dishes twice. Why put them in the sink for a visit when they can go directly into the dishwasher?

We all know the basic rule: If you take it out and you put it away. Having things on a schedule definitely helps (like getting our trash bins to the curb on time).

5. Children will keep their hair, body, and teeth clean daily. I think it's about routines and schedules. After doing a task consistently, kids develop habits. It's up to parents to get them set up as good ones instead of bad ones. It's important to teach that certain cues equal certain actions. After waking up, you brush your teeth; after using the toilet, you wash your hands; when you cough, it's into your arm. I always liked to teach kids that this was self-defense against germs. 

6. Children will not interrupt adult conversations. I always taught kids to wait nearby, make good eye contact, and then, when they wanted to speak to adults in conversation, say, "Excuse me, Mom/Dad." Respect for parents must be a priority in every household. If it's not taught to children when they are young, you certainly know how they will treat parents when they are teens.

7. Children shall fix the recipe for straight 'A & B's daily! I always like teaching the concept of “inspect what you expect.” Teaching kids that getting consistently good grades is essential along with teaching the idea of the five P’s- perfect planning prevents poor performance. 

8. When you come home from school, open the refrigerator and pick a healthy snack, no exceptions. This will become a habit that will serve them well over their lifetime. 

At the end of his seminar, he asked the assembled group this question that resounds in my head daily: “What is the purpose of life?”

The Grandmaster’s answer was so powerful, yet so simple. “To be happy!”

Mike Bogdanski

America’s Anti Bully

Mikebogdanski.com

Barriers

 It’s too hard, I don't have enough time, it's too lofty a goal, and people like me don't do things like that. You have heard all the excuses, so now let's dig into why people never start and, if they start, never succeed.

Taking giant steps 

I am reminded of the philosophy I learned from one of my esteemed teachers. He asked me, “How do you eat an elephant?” I thought for a minute and gave him a silly answer (being a teen at the time): “Sir, with a fork and ketchup.”

He shook his head (his occasional reaction to my responses) and answered, “No, silly boy, one bite at a time!” The real lesson was that I was trying to take giant steps in my progress rather than baby steps to get things right. My lesson of setting smaller, easier, and more realistic goals has helped me over the years.

Setting a timeline.

The difference between a dream and a goal is a deadline.

When I was in college, I knew if a term paper were due in six weeks, I would have it done in six weeks. I had a starting point, a midpoint, and then an endpoint. When a person has no defining parameters for accomplishing a task, it becomes one of those “I will get to it soon” moments.

Here are five barriers that may hold you back from being successful.

Not enough information

I learned this from my Dad, who was a builder. He told me he built his first spec house at age sixteen. He had been working for his Dad, argued with him, and left. He figured that since he had helped build over twenty houses, he was smart enough to strike out on his own and give it a go. My Dad’s first solo project was finally finished, sat empty for months, and finally sold, but he lost money. He then realized how wise his father was and learned he should depend on people who were more intelligent than him to give him all the information to succeed.

You quit too early.

I once met someone who told me they had been to college for four years. I asked what degree they earned, and they told me I didn’t earn a degree. He commented,” I was a freshman at four different colleges and dropped out each time!” So, four years of college and nothing to show for it. It’s essential to think long-term and short-term. Short-term success helps you achieve long-term results. I once read that Sony Corporation, the electronics manufacturing company in Japan, had a hundred-year business plan. Don't just be a dreamer, be a doer too. Owning the dream is your real goal.

No success coach.

Everyone needs a teacher, coach, or mentor. Even Tiger Woods has a coach. To become the greatest golfer in the world, he hired a putting coach, a driving coach, a strength coach, and a nutritionist. A coach can give you feedback and push you along when you need a kick in the butt. Just like an airplane autopilot, mentors will help you with course corrections.

Not thinking positive- 

Success comes in cans, 

Not cant’s.

Whenever I was teaching, I always had a life lesson in mind. One of my favorite motivational sayings I want to share with you today is “Whatever Your Mind Can Conceive and Believe, It Can Achieve.” – Napoleon Hill. This quote from the 1937 book “Think and Grow Rich” has gained much popularity in recent years as a way to describe the power of positive thinking, one of the most essential concepts in training your brain.

Not enough detail on the goal and the process.

Whenever you set your goal, you need to describe it in intricate detail so that it becomes real to you. List the colors, smell, sound, feel, and texture if you can. Here is an example. A highly waxed metal-flake midnight blue Harley Softail deluxe with shiny leather seats with my initials, custom foot pegs, oversized tires, and a throaty growl and flames down the sides of the tank. Oversized chrome wheels that shine like a bright star. Get the idea?

Now, to make what you want to happen, please write it down. When a thought transfers into writing, it seeds in your mind what will come. I am a big fan of a small pad on which to write and rewrite notes. When writing something down, you imprint the thought, idea, or goal firmly into your brain, and that becomes indelible. 

A well-known study by Dr. Gail Matthews at Dominican University found that people who wrote down their goals shared them with a friend, and provided regular progress updates were 42% more likely to achieve their goals than those who only thought about them.

I am a big fan of setting s.m.a.r.t. goals - specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-based. I hope this helps!

Mike Bogdanski

“An Attitude of Gratitude”

 

My New Year tip to readers is to do something for someone else.

I love the quote from motivational speaker Zig Ziglar who famously said, "You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want."

Overall, acts of kindness benefit both your mental and physical well-being. I know some of you are saying, "Mike, I am too busy, too stressed, too overworked, and overwhelmed." How can I help others when I can barely help myself? We can look to the late President Jimmy Carter. He served as president of the US and then quietly faded into the background, but he and his wife went on for decades to serve others. 

Why? When you do something nice for someone, your body experiences several positive mental and physical benefits:

Random acts of kindness release serotonin (which improves mood), dopamine (which creates a sense of pleasure), and endorphins (which reduce pain and stress). Being kind can lower cortisol levels, your stress hormone, making you feel calm and relaxed. Helping others can release oxytocin, which benefits your heart by reducing blood pressure and inflammation. Positive emotional states from being kind can strengthen your immune system, making your body less prone to illness. Doesn’t that sound great?

You start making your community a better place as one kind person with one kind act. Kindness can have a ripple effect, starting with one person at a time and one town at a time, by helping you focus on positive situations and giving you an opportunity to bring good to the world even when times are difficult or challenging. The way I spell love is t-i-m-e. You don't have to give money; you can just contribute your time and energy to make things better in our little quiet corner.

How? 

Donate food, toys, or books. Volunteer to serve food at a homeless shelter or the Veteran’s Coffeehouse. Leave an extra tip at your local restaurant. Drop off a meal to a family with a new baby or who just experienced a huge personal loss. Doing something to improve someone else’s day, for no good reason, will enrich your day exponentially.

Where?

There are many local places where you can help. I will begin by saying I love this quote, “Act local, think globally,” to mentally set your course. My suggestions include TEEG, Interfaith Human Services of Putnam(food donations, diaper bank, fuel, and more), the Putnam Resource Center, volunteering for your local historical society, and local boards (zoning, economic development, wetlands, etc.) or even shoveling the snow off a neighbor’s sidewalk. There are many opportunities to lift up our neighbors and our towns.

Trust me. I could share study after study about how helping someone else improves people’s moods more than getting a gift themselves, but I know this from personal experience. While running my business, I decided to do a community project and raised a few thousand dollars for Paul Newman’s Hole In The Wall camp in Eastford. When I met with the staff, they showed me the million-dollar contributions that the camp had received. Even though they appreciated the donation, it felt like a drop in the bucket to this internationally funded group. It was then I decided to do something more local. I had a very good friend who struggled with drugs, so I thought supporting local children through D.A.R.E programs might be a better choice. All the money stayed local, and each school could receive money from the generous contributions of local businesses and people in our towns. To me, it was a win-win for our kids. I felt that if drugs started to ruin my friend's life, they could destroy anyone, and I was a person who could help.

Since retiring, I have had more time to give back to the community, and I absolutely love it. I am happiest when I help others. I love being busy and giving my time, advice, and experience to others. I have always tried to pass on the philosophy of having “an attitude of gratitude.” 

My favorite quote for the new year is, “If you want to touch the past, touch a rock. If you want to touch the present, touch a flower. If you want to touch the future, touch a life.”

—AUTHOR UNKNOWN

President Carter recently passed away at age one hundred. For years after his presidency, he served his community with grace, humility, compassion, dignity, courage, and love. Let’s be like Jimmy; together, we can lift up the world.

P.S. - I am helping to organize a celebrity bartender fundraiser for Interfaith Human Services of Putnam (daily bread/diaper bank/fuel assistance) on February 20 at Montana Nights Axe Throwing in Putnam from 5:30-8 pm if you want to kick off your generosity and have lots of fun. Hope to see you there!

Mike Bogdanski

Mike is a martial arts Grandmaster and anti-bully activist.

Off To See The Wizard

 

With the release of the new hit movie Wicked, I was reminiscing about the first time I saw The Wizard of Oz. Way before you could stream thousands of films to watch anytime, we had to plan each October to view it. Although my first time seeing it at age six was pretty scary, I want to tell you about all the many things I have learned in life from the movie since then.

If you recall, the story begins in black and white until Dorothy steps out of her house after landing in Munchkinland. Dorothy composes herself and opens the door, where you are immediately treated to the brilliance of colors that make the small town burst to life. The contrast from full shades of black and white to color is an amazing display of showmanship from the film’s producers. When I give advice to kids, I ask them to describe their goals with as much color, detail, and intensity as possible to make them real, just like the “Pop” of colors grabs your attention in the film.

Dorothy’s house lands on the wicked Witch of the East, freeing the munchkins from her rule. She is lost, wants to get home, and seeks advice from her new friends on which way to travel. In much the same way over the years, I have asked many people (much smarter than me) for mentorship, and they helped steer me in the right direction. Soon, for Dorothy, we find out the journey, not the destination, helps her realize the true answers to her problems.

On the journey (I call life), Dorothy and her dog Toto meet her first travel companion. Her new friend, the scarecrow, travels with Dorothy to visit the Wizard because he seeks a brain. I believe what he really wants is knowledge. Personally, me too. I have been a lifelong learner. Weekly, I read several books (some for the second or third time), view online seminars, get advice from some brilliant people, and watch YouTube video clips to learn at least one new thing every day. On the journey called life, it's essential to keep your body healthy and mind strong.

The next friend she meets is the Tin Man, who joins her on his search for a heart. This is ironic because he is the most tender and emotional of the group, and when he cries, he rusts!

One of my favorite stories about having a good heart is about adoption. A teacher talks about the concept of adoption and then has the children explain what they think it means. Going from one student to another, they all had slightly different versions of understanding and many questions. Finally, one little girl put it well: "Adoption is when a baby goes from the tummy of one Mom to the heart of another." Emotional reading that? Me too.

I love this quote from one of my martial arts mentors, the late Chuck Merriman; "Be as hard as the world forces you to be and as soft as the world lets you be.”

Now, let's talk about the lion. In my years of martial arts training, I learned that if size were important, the elephant would be the king of the jungle. In the decades I taught kids, I knew that one key component in creating a strong person was helping individuals, like the cowardly lion, to build their courage. I like to think you build courage versus get courage. Like a house being constructed, piece by piece, you first need to build a strong foundation. By overcoming small challenges before tackling the big ones, this strategy will not let things overwhelm you. When faced with enormous challenges, it is necessary to break them down into small, achievable steps first. 

Over the years, I have developed key phrases to help communicate basic concepts, and this is one of my favorites: “Courage is not the absence of fear; it’s being a little scared and being able to take action anyway.” Setting and achieving small goals first is of primary importance in growing as a person. We have learned that it’s okay to fail. You never truly fail until you quit.

To wrap up, I have a couple of key points. One I love is, " If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together.” Two, continually seeking knowledge (a brain), a heart (compassion), and building courage are skills we all can learn from Dorothy and the Wizard—life philosophy at its best from L. Frank Baum, author of The Wizard of Oz. 

And by the way, I am still a little afraid of flying monkeys.

Mike Bogdanski

Mike is a martial arts Grandmaster and anti-bully activist

Mikebogdanski.com

 

Managing Anxiety in Kids: Tools for a Calmer Childhood

Kids that have stress problems.  Children that can't sleep. How can kids get stressed out? They only have to play and go to school, so what could cause them stress? Plenty, it seems.

Teachers and parents have reported stressed-out kids in record numbers. According to the CDC, 10% of children ages 3–17 have anxiety, 7% have behavior disorders, and 4% have depression. These conditions often occur together, with 37% of children with a mental health condition having two or more. Toxic stress can result from multiple factors, leading to changes in brain circuitry that negatively affect a child’s physical and mental health. I would like to provide parents with tools to help children manage anxiety and build emotional strength.

Anxiety in children presents itself as a feeling of worry or fear that can cause problems in everyday life. A little anxiety is normal in certain situations, like rushing to get ready after getting up late for a school day or a new situation that a child has never encountered. Changes at home may cause stress like losing a family member, divorce, or moving to a new town.

You can see the signs of stress manifest themselves in several ways.  Sleepless nights, headaches, stomachaches, and bad dreams can indicate an emotional strain.  Kids and their parents may have a difficult time seeing that these negative symptoms are related to stress.

Healthy anxiety or anxiety disorder?

Healthy anxiety may keep you safe. When kids encounter a new situation they may need time to get used to it. Healthy stress is staying away from the edge of a roof.  We all have built in safety mechanisms that enable us to be cautious.  As a person who studies the psychology of fear and building courage, I recommend a great book called “The Gift Of Fear” by Gavin Debecker which tells us our intuition should not be disregarded and very well might keep us safe. 

The summer before seventh grade, my parents moved us to a new town where I was enrolled into 7th grade. Being at a new middle school can be scary enough, but being in a completely new environment, it was crazy stressful for me. I was mad at my parents, I had no friends and no bridge to my new neighborhood.  I did not know one person in my new school and my anxiety was sky high. Most of the kids that arrived had known each other since kindergarten and I knew I would never fit in (but eventually I did!).

Bad Stress. Addressing anxiety early helps in the development of emotional intelligence and teaches coping skills. There are 4 main types of anxiety disorders:

• Separation Anxiety Disorder
• Social Anxiety Disorder
• Selective Mutism (fear of speaking to certain people)
• Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Some events that trigger anxiety could be some of the following: going to school, going to other kids’ houses for playdates, sleepovers, and falling asleep alone at night. 

What can happen to kids when stress and anxiety become overwhelming?  Several behavior disorders may surface, for example, withdrawal from certain activities, emotional outbursts, and even wanting to skip school.  It's up to parents to get to the root of what kicks off the stress.  Seek out the triggers so you can address it head on.

Here are some great tools that may help reduce anxiety.  There is no one single magic cure that will make it just disappear.

Connect with your kid. Make a comfortable judgment-free place for conversation and even share some of your own experiences as well.  Make sure it is quiet, with no TV, and no electronic devices allowed. Use active listening skills like “When you say that (topic) it sounds like you are very upset about it”. Help clarify the feelings and help the child know you empathize with them.

Breathing. When anxiety explodes in you, your breathing becomes short and fast, and your heart rate and blood pressure rise.  A long, slow breath, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth is essential in bringing your heart rate lower and reducing stress and anxiety.  In self-defense encounters for martial artists, the military and police rely on this breathing process to manage stress.  Teaching your kids how to have an emotional time out is a great skill.

Visualization. Teach your kids how to visualize a positive outcome, not doom and gloom.  Train your brain.

Routines equals predictability.  Having routines makes us feel in control of our lives, keeping our minds more centered and peaceful.

Watch what you watch.  There are so many acts of violence these days in TV, movies and video games that its easy to see children uneasy and uncomfortable.

Celebrate even small victories

Give kids a chance to work through it.  It’s a journey not a destination. It’s about baby steps. How many times would you let a toddler fail when it was trying to walk?  It’s the same here.  In many cases anxiety can be manageable with these techniques.

Mike Bogdanski 

Mikebogdanski.com

P.S the book "The Anxious Generation" is highly recommended reading for parents due to its insights in rising levels of anxiety in today's kids.