Lessons For Life:
Thousands of books have been written on being the best parent ever. However, in my experience, teaching self-discipline is the foundation of building success in any person.
The dictionary defines discipline/self discipline as the ability to control one's feelings and overcome one's weaknesses; the ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite temptations to abandon it.
Discipline is the exerting of external control, like when you tell your kids to brush their teeth. This is how we as parents teach the littlest children the right and wrong ways to do things. Self-discipline is when children utilize an internal guide to direct them to do the right things. Self-discipline is the foundation of success in life and using character will give them a direction. In my years of working with children I often asked if they made their own bed. Then I asked, did they do it on their own or after being told. Then I highlighted to them the difference between discipline and self-discipline.
Here are my top tips on teaching self-discipline.
One of the greatest well-known successes in athletics is Tom Brady. His recommendation is; “Quit focusing on all the things you can't control. Focus on being the best version of yourself. Work as hard as you can.”
Succeeding with small goals eventually can turn into successes building great lifetime habits. Studies have shown that people with written goals have greater success on tasks. I also suggest posting them around your house so you can see them every single day. My suggestion is that the goals be very specific (I will do a future article on S.M.A.R.T. Goals. You can google this if you are curious)
With the technology of today it would be easy to start with a video of how to brush with detailed cleaning of each tooth. Many electric toothbrushes have a handy 2-minute timer. When kids are done brushing, you can be their success coach and give your child feedback, finishing with a smile and praise. Create a routine (specific time of day) where you log your goals and build your habits.
Accountability and support.
If you want to succeed in a certain area, tell your everone. Then every time you see your friends, they will check in on your progress and give you support. Your friends and family want you to succeed, especially on tough, long term goals. Parents, if your child is not immediately good at developing self-discipline don’t worry, it’s a journey, not a destination. It is perfectly fine to fail as long as you take this as a lesson in course correction.
Teach delayed gratification - I love the saying “Dig your well before you are thirsty”. When I was in grammar school, the local bank got all the fourth graders to start a bank account. Each week, we brought in change to be deposited into our account. Week by week we could see the interest displayed on our passbook and watch our money grow. It was very exciting. I am sure you can do a digital version today to help get the concept of waiting for rewards. (For teens or young adults, if you contribute $135.00 a week, each year, to an IRA, it could take about 28 years to reach one million dollars)
Be consistent, and determined, and work for it. Don’t sweat it if you fall back a little. Even elite athletes who eat right 6 days a week build in a cheat day where they can eat something not on their strict regimen.
I have learned that the difference between a dream and a goal is a timeline. When I was in college I knew the semester had a beginning and end and I needed to fulfill requirements week by week to succeed. I have met so many people that tell me “I should have started (their dream) twenty years ago”. My response is, “then today is the next best day!” I want to remind you that “someday” is not a day of the week.
Parents - reinforce and praise the behaviors you want to see. My recommendation is, If you can’t praise the act, praise the effort. Highlight and recognize others you run into showing good self-discipline. It would be so great if you could model this skill with your own actions. How we conduct our lives will always speak louder than our words. In time all habits, good or bad, will be “built” in.
I will leave you with this thought written in the 6th century- “A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step”. (Lao Tzu)
Mike Bogdanski
Mike is a martial arts Grandmaster and Anti-bully activist.
mikebogdanski.com
