Sunday, February 28, 2010

My Kid Fought Back- What Now?

My child was bullied as school for months and finally fought back, now he is being punished for standing up for himself

     A standard response of adults is "why don't you stand up for yourself? Many times kids get picked on because they are a little timid and lack appropriate responses to attacks. However, sometimes targets of bullying do stand up for themselves.

Point out politely but assertively to the teacher who is accusing your child, "My child was bullied for months which is a breach of the school's duty of care as a consequence of which my child was forced to take action him/herself. This is a situation that no child should ever be placed in. When bullies receive a taste of their own medicine they immediately feign victimhood in a manner which is convincing enough for some people to be fooled. I now ask you to cease victimizing my child immediately and instead deal with the bullies. No one has a right to hurt my child.”

Mike Bogdanski M.S.


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Anonymous said...

I was one of those people who was bullied during elementary, but didn't stand up for myself.

I did tell my teacher, but he did not do any good. He told the bully to stop bothering me IN FRONT OF CLASS. That truly embarrassed me and I never dared to ask my teacher for help.

They stopped bullying me when the principal of the school found out. The bullying only lasted for a month till summer starts. It was not life damaging at least.

Now I am fine and living my life to the fullest.

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Bob said...

My now 21 year old son was bullied in grammar school, because as a child of divorced parents he lived with his father, instead of his mother like most of his classmates.

I enrolled my son in a martial arts school, that had a good reputation for hard training, in part because I wanted my son to toughen up and learn to handle the situation.

In a pretty short period of time, my son learned very well how to handle himself. I knew that he would be able to physically deal with the main bully, as well as the others. But he still refused to stand up to this one bully in particular.

I told him that if he stood up to this bully, yes, he may get in trouble with the principal, but he would NOT be introuble with me. I told him that if he stood up to the bully, he needed to send a message to that bully it would not be a good idea for that bully to pick on him anymore.

I also had several conversations with his principal and basically said the same thing. (This was usually in response to a bullying incident.) She knew that this kid was a bully, but she still didn't condone my son fighting him back. She was also very aware that I had enrolled my son in martial arts.

Well, about 2 years passed (3rd grade to 5th grade) and I got yet another phone call from the principal. This time though the conversation was different. The bully attacked my kid, and my son went off on the kid and basically pummeled him pretty well in front of all the other kids on the playground, and really embarassed the bully.

When the principal was relaying the story, I figured she was going to end the conversation with how she was going to punish my son for this. When she finished telling me this story, my response was "It's about time!". The principal's only response was "I just wanted you to know what happened." No punishment followed for my son, and he was not bothered again.

For those people who's kids are currently being bullied, I say don't get too frustrated. Work with the school administration and hold them accountable for what happens in their schools. Bullying should not be tolerated. While not all bullying incidents end with this outcome, your kids will learn some real life skills a they cope with the bullies.

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